I'm not your boy. This is my Urban Journal

Do it the 'How I Met Your Mother' way!

2011-01-13T19:28:00.001+11:00

Why is the ending so incredibly sad?

2011-01-11T00:24:00.002+11:00

So in America when the sun goes down and I sit on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast, and all that road going, all the people dreaming in the immensity of it, and in Iowa I know by now the children must be crying in the land where they let the children cry, and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear? the evening star must be dropping and shedding her sparkler dims on the prairie, which is just before the coming of complete night that blesses the earth, darkens all rivers, cups the peaks and folds the final shore in, and nobody, nobody knows what's going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old, I think of Dean Moriarty, I even think of Old Dean Moriarty the farther we never found, I think of Dean Moriarty.

- On the Road Jack Kerouac

New Year Goals / Strategic To-Do List

2011-01-01T20:09:00.002+11:00

As the somehow self-explanatory title, for 2011, I shall

Be self-sufficient
Obtain better results in university
Have work experience in planning
Start a graphic design certificate study in TAFE
Clear out SmileyWorld and HappyHouse products for Shestival
Expand Shestival into promotion and design
Continue developing Streamline Coaching
Get a job
Make money
Live a busy and fabulous life
Move out (upon this happening I will start a new blog or re-brand this into one that revolves my new living)

There might be more. Let these be the main strategic ones. How I love the word 'strategic'...

Hope these all will contribute to my Australian, American and European dreams of home, work and travel!

2010-12-05T18:22:00.002+11:00

When I am lost, I can always find a new way back.

p.s. it is Summer again, 4 days late though, there is a thing this blog has with Summers...

Secret - OneRepublic

2010-11-26T23:34:00.001+11:00

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God
Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to go
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm ick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away
All my secrets away

Firework - Katy Perry

2010-11-19T14:35:00.002+11:00

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin like a house of cards
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite
The light and let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make em go oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on; let your colors burst
Make em go oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave em fallin down oh oh

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original you cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to a perfect road
Like a lightning bolt your heart will blow
And when it's time you'll know
You just gotta ignite
The light and let it shine
Just own the night
Like the 4th of July

Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on show em what you're worth
Make 'em go oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky ey ey
Baby, you're a firework
Come on; let your colors burst
Make 'em go oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down oh oh

Bridge
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to through, ooh, ooh

Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on show em what you're worth
Make 'em go oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky ey ey
You're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave 'em fallin down oh oh

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

WTH is Inception anyways?

2010-11-17T18:10:00.004+11:00

A new era of convergence and change: the hybrid future in digital media

2010-10-27T22:32:00.000+11:00

Nathan Xiaofeng Li 42048850

In the contemporary diverse market, with ‘increasingly distracted, distrustful and disinterested consumers’ (Spurgeon 2008:27), commercial media need to constantly evolve to accommodate the changing trends. Advanced digital technology has enabled emergence of convergent media to reach the changing market. Convergence refers to ‘economic integration in the media industries, as well as technical developments that enable the provision of shared media content across different media formats’ (Stadler & McWilliam 2009:xiv). In commercial media, to engage audience with decreasing attention span, hybrid media is becoming the norm. Siding with the trend of convergence, hybrid media is the incorporated use of multiple media, such as a cinematography, graphics, photography, animation and typography, in the same frame continuously to create a new medium with highly stylish aesthetics (Manovich 2007). Convergence and hybrid media are not just about the evolving technology. Also hybridised are the functions of commercial media. They are to entertain and to advertise simultaneously: the line is blurring. In the contemporary commercial media industry, technology- and function-hybrid media are forming a dominating force, especially with short-duration media like advertisements, music videos and film and TV opening sequences, in shaping a new digital future.

Advertising is a dominant force that has historically sustained all commercial media and it connects ‘the producers of consumer goods and services with potential markets (Sinclair 2010:189). Advertising has intensively incorporated hybrid media in its production. Primarily to promote goods and services, through hybrid media, new advertising showcases products in a visually innovative manner to achieve a higher level of selling persuasion.

Integrating different layers of still images, this Target commercial showcases the models in different clothing with a new range of other supplementary. The juxtaposition of the images creates continuous motion in which the girl ‘dreaming’ around a lively and colourful scenery. Every single frame is constructed with Target’s colourful products. It simultaneously establishes a stylistic brand image and recognition and commands consumers’ attention to the products. Hybrid visual techniques create psychological approval by mass consumers. This is also the case in the following Toyota and Honda commercials:

Both car commercials embody moving generated images and animation of natural matters to facilitate a perception of the products being in harmony with nature. This is an adaptive response to the trend of consumers’ growing awareness of environmental issues. It is important for advertisers to be seen as ‘green and socially responsible’ in today’s market (O’hara 2008).

Moreover, convergence in the advertising sector also means the hybridity of promotion and entertainment, which is also known as the ‘branded content’ and increasing advertising budgets have been diverted to it (Spurgeon 2008). Many advertisements have taken the form of narratives. They are much longer than 30 seconds or one minute in traditional advertisements and they are mostly released online in response to the growing online video culture.

This Chanel commercial features a poignant romantic narrative with Nicole Kidman. The high-end production and the use of celebrities create an enjoyable, entertaining and engaging story rather than just a plain commercial. Yet the commercial nature of the advertisement remains. The whole advertisement is constituted of Chanel’s products and its logo is clearly visible from time to time. Consumers are subconsciously receiving the branded information which one day would influence their purchasing decisions.

Hybrid media has also been transforming contemporary music video production. In order to more effectively engage audience and to satisfy their changing demand of visual consumption, many music videos from the popular culture have adapted to the sophisticated agglomeration of cinematography and three-dimensional images and animation and other media. This music video of ‘Boom Boom Pow’ by Black Eyed Peas illustrates this trend.

The images of the singers are hybridised with 3D animation and it creates the idea of hybridity of humans and digital technology, or ‘digital afterlife’, reflecting the technological society we live in today. The aesthetics of continuity and the idea of metamorphosis (Manovich 2007) are shown in the video, with the continual transformation between the singers, the 3D animated figures and the amalgam faces. Moreover, while the video is a promotion for the song and the band, it is also a promotion of the HP TouchSmart, which can be clearly seen at the start and end and middle of the video. Product placement, as part of the concept of branded content (Spurgeon 2008), has been increasingly used in music videos, blending entertainment and advertising in hybrid commercial media.

Hybrid media can also mean the fusion of fonts, graphics and media that are originally made for different purposes or cultures.

The video of ‘Telephone’ brings a diverse range of elements including high-definition cinematography, comical fonts, surveillance camera images, transition graphics, Japanese styled gaming symbols and graphics and news images together into an intriguing short film. The hybridity of these seemingly contradictory elements creates extremely high entertainment values. Product placement is also seen in the video with goods and services including Virgin mobile, Diet Coke, HP computer, Plenty of Fish the online dating site Little Debbie, Polaroid camera, Miracle Whip, Wonder Bread and Heartbeats headphones (Betsy 2010, Christian 2010). Despite the purpose to ridicule the western consumerism and commoditisation of media (Betsy 2010) with such products, the appearance of the products creates significant awareness among mass consumers and at the same time gives Lady Gaga the icon-status (Christian 2010). Overall this video has created a ‘deep remixability’ (Manovich 2007) of music, fashion, film and undertones on the consumer and mass media culture.

The making of film and TV opening sequences has also evolved with hybrid media. While there is no trend in showing product placement in film and TV opening sequences, they are essentially to ‘seduce, invite, prepare and inform’ (Coulthard 2010: 1) the audience to the films in increase box office earnings and adverting slots: their commercial values remain.

All three Spider Man movies have used the same hybrid style in their opening sequences. The computer-generated spider webs and the New York skyscrapers that constitute the whole sequences act as the motifs for the story. The 3D title fonts are designed to be ‘stuck’ in the webs. It can also be seen that the production has evolved as the series progresses. In the second and third movies, paint and photography images of the characters respectively are embedded in the spider webs. They serve as identification of the actors as well as a reflection of the story development in the previous movies. At the same time these images the inclusion of certain graphics, such as the image of Green Goblin in sequence for the first movie and the black fluid in the third, imply the plots in the subsequent story and forms a ‘narrational suspension’ (Coulthard 2010).

The trend is similar in the TV sector. In the Rush’s opening sequence, the 3D graphics of streetscapes continues to transform with the sequence of images of the characters and their action. Such architectural fusion suggests the setting and scope of the story. The speedy transformation and digital movements also imply the fast rhythm of this action drama and entice interested audience. As the increase of audience would bring up the ratings, the advertising revenue for the TV networks would also increase.

We have come to a whole new era of constant change with the availability of advanced digital technology. In order to keep their audience’s interest and hence revenue, commercial media, especially the short-duration media like advertisements, music videos and film and TV opening sequences, need to adapt to technology that is more engaging and entertaining. Hybrid media has been significant in doing so. Hybrid media blends entertainment and product promotion with different media and editing techniques and creates significant visual interest and recognition. It also shows us our world in a new way by ‘substituting all constants with variables’ (Manovich 2007:17). Nevertheless, the visual success of hybrid media is also dependent on the audio components. All the videos mentioned above come with engaging and theme-suggesting music and sound effects. They help to set tone and mood (Coulthard 2010) and tie up the different visual elements and enhance the aesthetics of continual transformation that hybrid media creates. The future will be more dynamic with the ever developing technology. Digital media production will need to continue to adapt to the constantly ‘rapid social, technological and cultural change’ (Manovich 2007:17). Perhaps that is the fundamental benefit of adapting hybrid media in digital production, since the nature of hybrid media is constant change and nothing stays static.

Reference

Betsy, 2010, ‘Consumerism – as we see through Lady Gaga’s cigarette glasses’ on The OnlineGrapeVine.Com http://www.theonlinegrapevine.com/betsey/03192010-consumerism-as-seen-through-lady-gagas-cigarette-glasses [updated on March 19, 2010]

Black Eyed Peas, 2009, ‘Boom Boom Pow’ video, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m48GqaOz90 [uploaded on June 16, 2009]

Chanel commercial with Nicole Kidman, 2005, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTO4FHf8MBs [uploaded on December 22, 2005]

Christian, A.J., 2010, ‘Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”: Product Placement and Corporate Anxiety’, available on http://blog.ajchristian.org/2010/03/15/counting-the-brands-product-placement-in-lady-gagas-telephone/ [updated on March 15, 2010]

Coulthard, L., 2010, ‘Familiarity Breeds Desire: Seriality and the Televisual Title Sequence’, FlowTV, available on http://flowtv.org/2010/07/familiarity-breeds-desire/ [updated on July 2, 2010]

Honda Civic Hybrid Commercial, 2006, available on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V86wJWtP8Y [uploaded on July 10, 2006]

Lady Gaga and Beyonce, 2010, ‘Telephone’ video, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ95z6ywcBY&ob=av2n [uploaded on March 11, 2010]

Manovich, L., 2007, ‘Understanding Hybrid Media’, available on http://www.manovich.net [accessed on July 6, 2009]

O’hara, M., 2008, ‘The Gruen Transfer’, ATOM study guide, available on http://www.metromagazine.com.au [accessed on February 12, 2010]

Rush (Channel Ten) opening credits, 2008, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNUL4L6ZyQM [uploaded on September 6, 2008]

Sinclair, J., 2010, ‘Chapter 11 Advertising’ in Cunningham, S., The Media & Communications in Australia, 3rd Edition, ed., Turner, G., Allen & Unwin, Sydney, pp.189~206

Spider Man main titles, 2002, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f5ykkGJvMU [uploaded on June 7, 2007]

Spider Man 2 main titles, 2004, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ5Irvc4Je8&feature=related [uploaded on June 12, 2007]

Spider Man 3 main titles, 2007, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQyl0R-H1uY&feature=related [uploaded July 26, 2008]

Spurgeon, C., 2008, Chapter 2 ‘From the “Long Tail” to “Madison and Vine”’ in Advertising and New Media, Oxon: Routledge, pp. 25~45

Stadler. J and McWilliam. K, 2009, Screen Media: Analysing Film and Television, Allen & Unwin, Sydney, p.xiv

Target ‘Dreaming Girl’ Commercial, 2009, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IVgo9WEUEc [uploaded on August 6, 2009]

Toyota Prius ‘Harmony’ TV Commercial, 2010, available on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq4nrmnqY9o [uploaded on May 11, 2009]

How Typical

2010-10-27T19:26:00.004+11:00

Holly Friedlander asks, what good comes from defining someone?

Our generation is known as the most heavily medicated generation, not necessarily because we are the sickest generation, but because some people are no longer capable of dealing with those who show a degree of difference. Despite some saying we live in a much sadder world, this underlying need to categorise individuals is purely an attempt to control the inexplicable. Seven-year-old kids are being diagnosed with 'depression', while those that have an overly imaginative mind are recognised as having a 'learning difficulty'. Since when is it common practice to try and categorise those who show originality and zest?

Perhaps we label because we are too insecure not to. Those who continually stereotype are too scared to break out from the conformation of society, away from their strict adherence to a perceived image. This putting down of others to justify self, perpetuates uncertainty and fear: a constant, gnawing fear of self-expression.

Not only do we all too readily jump on the categorisation bandwagon, we also turn into labelling enthusiasts, eager to base a person's character on their job title, degree and relationship status. Successful businessman? Check. Masters in Accounting/Finance?Business? Check. Single? Why, what's wrong with him?

We don't just give the labels, we also let ourselves dictate people by the ones they've already earned. The great fault of this is that we become close-minded. Our senses shut down and accept only our projected image, putting up blockades to any other perspectives.

While this might have no impact in the short term, in the long term, you might be missing out on something great. Perhaps if you look for a moment longer, under the surface you shall see the glimmer of gold shining through the silt.

I believe the most powerful thing someone can possess is the inability to be defined. It is not only refreshing, but opens up doors and will lead to a life of distinction and difference. The human character is an enigma - a mixture of personal experience, environmental influences, values, beliefs, perception and opinion, all hidden by a somewhat unrelated surface. Who's to say the outside always reflects the inside? Who's to say that the girl wearing Docs, all black clothing and has an assortment of facial piercings doesn't also read Jane Austen on the weekends and dreams of one day becoming a flight attendant? Or that the boy who spends every afternoon hidden at the public library isn't into 70's hip-hop and has an unhealthy taste for cheap wine?

As a wise friend once told me, "your perception is your reality". Thus, taking a moment to see the best in the people surrounding you should make for a much happier life. A life filled with creativity, diverse insight and differing opinions, delivered by people who have been given the chance they need to shine.

To those constantly dealing with people who are still learning to be open-minded - take it with a grain of salt. Yeah, those labellers might not know you very well, but hey, they sure as hell recognise that you've got something special. Embrace it because one day they'll realise that they missed out on something great.

From THE SPIT PRESS Issue 4

Don't Lie

2010-09-05T18:57:00.004+10:00

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

2010-09-03T21:49:00.002+10:00

You think I'm pretty

Without any makeup on

You think I'm funny

When I tell the punchline wrong

I know you get me

So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me

I was alright but things

Were kinda heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance, until we die

You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me feel like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali

And got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and

Built a fort out of sheets

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance, until we die

You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me feel like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight X6)

Yoooouuu

You make me feel like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back

Noooooo

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So (ohhhh) take a chance and

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight X6)

July 1

2010-07-01T22:57:00.007+10:00

Another day
Another day
Day after day
Life of sameness
Human beings such creature of habits and routines
Ever wonder for a change?
Here is another half year
I liked how I finished my first financial half year with Get Him To The Greek and a glass of amber ale

It is good to have someone to come home to at the end of the day

Watching Glee finale just then changed my whole mood and the whole plan of writing this blog post

Heart

We all should have HEART

Yet I still got to put up my quote of the day

Love makes us strong and weak

When can we ever learn to fight these chemical reactions in our brain?

Or rather

Why fight them but just accept the way it is and embrace the nature you are?

Turn weaknesses into strengths

HEART

Turning 20 in 30 days

Time flies and what can I say but

You know you are turning old when

You realise you are remembering less or you may not realise it
You feel colder
You want either more sex or less
You hate the sight of teenagers
You simply feel old

Why do I love being drunk?

It allows me to be loosened and eased

To forget the flowing of time

To stop

HEART

*intimacy*

But we all want to move on

Who would want to relive the old times?

They were good and fun

But come on

Growing up was hard

HEART

Humans are creatures of love

Of re-creating moments that stimulate those chemical reactions that excite our brain

Yet the existence of time only allows us to move forward

To grow

To age

To wither

To perish

Promise me

No more ranting

No more sighing

No more complaining

Positivity rules

Crying is allowed

It releases emotions and there is nothing negative about it

Go with time

Go with nature

Embrace the way you are

Love your differences

HEART

This is my love to you

To youse

2010-06-21T21:17:00.002+10:00

Now that exams have finished

To kick off my plans

I must first have a beer...

I'm the Biggest Dreamer EVER!

2010-06-08T23:30:00.007+10:00

I'm an entrepreneur, a town planner, a media producer, a graphic designer, a publisher, an environmentalist, a geographer, a trader, an event planner, an educator, an artist, a creative director and a man of vision!

And not just a talker!

Couldn't believe tonight's Spanish architecture exhition gave me so much inspiration and determination
Since I am annoucing it here and now
People
Please anticipate and do spank me (yes spank) ensuring I am realising what I am saying here tonight
So far I have had NINE business ideas/projects in mind and in the process of being written down
I can't reveal their names yet as many of them are far from being registered for the moment
One clue is that their names all start with the letter 'S'
Under one big 'S' empire
Two of them being 'Shestival' and 'Streamline Coaching' as you may already know
And another, of course, is STUDY!

And you might be able to figure out the rest from my self descriptions above

I can't avoid the fact that I am still a student and freshman

And yes, as I may have said previously, so far in 2010, I have had everything (there might be more) I want to do in life figured out
All I need to do now is ACTION!

ACTION!

And I'm still the Biggest Dreamer EVER having made such a blog post!

p.s. And don't think I am drunk at the moment. I am not. I did drink. And I did think I wasn't drunk enough when I came back home tonight. So I decided to run 4 kilometres to 'activate' the remaining alcohol in my body to make myself feel more drunk. But nothing really happened. Here I am! Not Drunk! Talking about DREAMS! Definitely not 'ses jims'.

2010-06-06T17:31:00.001+10:00

You don't learn by studying. Real knowledge and skills come from work and life. Studying allows you to gain pieces of paper called certificates or degrees from pieces of paper called exams.

2010-05-22T15:58:00.002+10:00

a state of unrestless

unease

unfulfilment

discomfort

disgust

dread and dreck

I can't work and be productive at home

Therefore I can't stay home

2010-04-11T09:19:00.003+10:00

Don't ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

- Howard Thurman

Daily Humour 4

2010-03-26T21:22:00.002+11:00

Homeless in Asia have style

From Daily Humour @ Facebook

Daily Humour 3

2010-03-17T00:37:00.002+11:00

From Daily Humour @ Facebook

Humour heals, while telling relieves

Open your mouth and speak!

Or type or write

Just COMMUNICATE!

I feel good right now

Very good indeed

Daily Humour 2

2010-03-15T21:28:00.001+11:00

From Daily Humour @ Facebook

Daily Humour 1

2010-03-14T11:07:00.002+11:00

From Daily Humour @ Facebook

Shock Me to Death

2010-03-11T20:23:00.003+11:00

Never thought I would come back to blog in this context
Enough shocks I can ever take today
I have always believed that when you pick up money from the ground you pick up the bad luck from that person who has lost the money there too

Yet I have always picked up the money. With no exception yesterday.

And I have to come to believe more in the 'Law of Attraction'
How your mind can do you great goods and bads

Once I wanted to see someone somewhere and she did appear in front of me
Walking past the field where people were playing soccer I did somehow 'attract' the soccer ball towards me
Ninety-nine point four had always been the number I kept thinking before it turned real

It is a matter of probability
But your mind can always make the particular percentage possible and land on you

Had I believed my intuition this morning
The day would not have turned out with so many shocks perhaps

Definitely

But things are accumulated I also believe
Just like the clouds yesterday

I know where my destinations are
I just don't have to fuel to get there at the moment
How long have I not been this neurotic, passive and depressed
Life is destined to re-live itself
Maybe I am meant to go back to be by myself
I chose not to say 'I am destined to'
I still believe that we can change our destiny
Or perhaps that is no such thing as destiny at all
One's path is the consequence of his or her action in the past
Accumulation again

Post-HSC holidays had been too good hadn't it?
All that have been thrown at us right now are just way too heavy
Or perhaps I have taken up too many burdens on myself
I need to be by myself to be focused
I also want someone to be by my side that I can achieve my goals with

I had enough today
I had enough these three weeks

Shock me to death
And shock me alive tomorrow
Life shall restart

p.s. I want to be a radio shock jock

Launch

2010-01-16T18:53:00.005+11:00

http://www.shestival.com.au

Another Summer

2009-12-01T23:32:00.003+11:00

December the first
Starting another summer
Always up for something on this day
Last year I started this blog
This year I shall start all my great plans
Yes summer summer how wonderful
I should always start something new on December the first every year from now on
I will talk about my great great plans later

Love

NaNa

Or whatever you call it

p.s. I really feel like a different person right now because of the trip I guess

New Day! New Lives!

2009-11-22T00:00:00.000+11:00

After all this time and all we have been through
I am word-less
I can't come up with any discription or anything
November 17, 2009
After Formal

What a great way to finish our high school life
Looking back
What has HSC meant to us?

Standing in the middle of Harbour Bridge
Awaiting a new day

Expecting a new life

Scream as I did!
For so many reasons!
For joy. For loss.

Goodbye everyone
There are things we have to let go
The world is always changing
Nothing stays the same

Hope we will all remember
Wherever we are
the sunrise we see as each day begins
is just the same as the one we watched that day
despite we were standing at different places
On the bridge, Under the bridge, In the hostel, Opposite to Opera House
We were connected watching the sunrise
And we will be
just like how the sunrise will occur everyday constantly
For another new day
For thousands of new lives

Today is another new day
New lives for one of us, also for all of us

Geography Dedication

2009-11-03T10:30:00.002+11:00

November 12, 2009!

Man Cry

2009-11-03T01:56:00.002+11:00

He is a man. And he is crying.

The sky is falling down. At least that is what it seems to be doing. The sun must have burnt the beautiful blue sky down to ashes, he thinks. Lifeless white, stacked with tonnes and tonnes of smoke, it is going to crash down to suffocate everyone to death. He throws himself into the car, away from the heat, the damp, the mess.

He hears drumming from behind the thick clouds, vibrating the air, pounding his heart. The hit brings up what he has been trying to avoid thinking. At this moment, someone is in his place, doing his job.

A light flashes swiftly, followed by a harder hit of drumming. The success he has built and enjoyed is all gone now. Just like that flash of light. He feels something heavy suppressing his chest. Damn it! The hot air outside must have sneaked through the car somewhere.

A taste of sourness comes up with the pressure in his chest. Tiny drops of water land on the windscreen. He hears people clapping and cheering. And it is becoming more intensive, more frequent, and more like, right next to him outside the car. Nah, you silly man. It is just the rain. But people should be clapping and cheering right now, as he has been told everything will be fine, and better, without him. The windscreen starts blurring covered by a fast-flowing waterfall. And the sourness has just accumulated and he feels overwhelmed by it. He can't take it anymore.

The pressure moves upwards his chest. He sniffs. His eyes feel wet welled up with some sort of warm liquid. Why? How could he have made such a mistake? Tears run down his cheeks. Onto his lips, salty, but all he can taste is bitterness. No. It wasn't a mistake. It was how he came to success with. It was something he has been proud of and boosted his confidence with. Why have people turned against that and against him now?

The rain is getting harder. And he is crying harder. The pressure is choking his neck now. He sniffs harder. His breathe goes heavier and he widens his mouth to grab in more oxygen. He can hear himself moaning, which hasn't happened in his adulthood. He can also hear the rain, the thundering, people clapping, cheering, his manager shouting, his wife scolding, his workmates gossiping. All these noises are messed up with blurry yet clear images of people's distancing figures, disapproved faces, disappointed eyes…

He doesn't want to hear anything and see anything anymore.

He wants silence and blackness.

It is the end of his life anyways. It is going to be emptiness for him no matter what he tries.

He starts the engine abruptly. He drives the car away with the massive storm.

FUCK! He shouts at himself. FUCK! You fucking idiot Lyle Zanderman!

The Old Communists - June 2006

2009-10-28T15:23:00.000+11:00

2009-10-21T21:23:00.002+11:00

I don't know how I would think my exam finished at 11:30
I don't know how at 10:55 I realised my exam would finish in 10 minutes
I don't know how the result would turn out with my rush to my conclusion of my essay

I don't know if I should care about it anymore

I know I just want to get all my exams done

2009-10-15T21:29:00.003+11:00

Andrew: 'If I could survive the trials, I could survive the HSC.'

We survived the trials, didn't we?

Identity Unidentified?

2009-09-19T21:22:00.007+10:00

Chineseness then, at that time, to me was an imposed identity, one that I desperately wanted to get rid of.

So this Ien Ang person says
I actually quoted this from my trial English as a Second Language Paper I Text I
i.e. an excerpt from Self-Identification and Belonging: where and what is home - country or culture?
By the way for your information I googled about Ien Ang who actually is a female
Extracted from Wikipedia

Ien Ang (born 1954) is Professor of Cultural Studies at the Centre for Cultural Research at the University of Western Sydney (UWS), Australia, where she was the founding director and is currently an ARC Professorial Fellow. She is also a Fellow of the Australian Academy of the Humanities.

Ang didn't write the text but was only quoted

The writer was Dana Lujoki

A Serbian girl born in Sydney but brought up totally in Serbian culture

She travelled to Serbia and realised that after all her life immersed in Serbian culture she failed to make a connection to her Serbian identity

Here are a few extracts from the text

...Even though I was born and raised in Sydney I had been brought up and immersed in Serbian culture and tradition. Serbian was the first language I spoke, and it wasn't until I started school at age 5 that I learned to speak English. My parents socialised with the local Serbian community and all of my friends outside school were Serbian. We all went to Serbian language school together on Sundays after church, and enjoyed many years of Serbian folkloric dancing practice and performances. It was almost like we were living in a matric - an alternative reality super-imposed over Sydney. I always felt as if we were living in a Serbian village that had transported itself halfway across the world.

... For the first time I realised that indeed we had been living in a Matrix of sorts in Sydney. Everything looked like Serbia, tasted like Serbia and counded like Serbia - only it wasn't. This alternative reality that had been created for us by our family was a virtual reality and that wasn't apparent until I got to the real thing.

I gained a greater understadning of why in my later teen years I rebelled and wanted to disassociate myself from my Serbian-ness. After so many years being immersed in it, it had become to me a forced identity, a uniform that had been put onto me without my understanding of what this uniform really meant or why I was wearing it...

This identity issue thing fascinates me as it affects me, people around me and the all multicultural societies like Australia in the world

How do we define ourselves?

Do we define who we are according to the society we live in?
Do we inherit who we are from our parents because they think they should define who we are?

What if how our parents define who we are does not agree with how our society defines who we are?

Which should we follow?

Society?
Parents?
Or ourselves?

Descendants of immigrants
Speak two languages
Adapt to two cultures
Have two faces
Live two lives

Maybe even more

Dissociative Identity Disorder?

I don't want anything to be imposed on me

Eventually we all should have a choice

Society and parents should just provide choices they think appropriate

It is us who decide which choice to take

It is our life

2009-09-18T20:38:00.006+10:00

Chineseness then, at that time, to me was an imposed identity, one that I desperately wanted to get rid of.

——Ien Ang

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2009-09-15T18:51:00.004+10:00

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Lone Trip - Sept 16, 2009

2009-09-06T16:34:00.004+10:00

All is good

Spring, sunshine, sea, carefreeness, and the North Shore

Criteria

2009-09-04T23:49:00.002+10:00

How do we determine whether a person is successful or not?

Why would we say a person who doesn't get good results at school who doesn't get a job who doesn't make big money who doesn't own good cars and houses is not successful?

That is because we evaluate successfulness following the a certain set of criteria
That our parents impose on us
That they inherit from their parents
That society influences and expects us to follow
That everyone does follow

But why just follow and be as miserable as everyone else?

Why not create our own criteria and terms of success?

Why not we define success and take the lead?

LET GO!

2009-08-29T22:41:00.003+10:00

'I'm ready to let go.'

'If something is not meant to be yours, it will never be yours.'
'Let go my "face".'
'Let go that perfectionist in you.'
'I want it because I've never had it.'
'Or you had it once, and you want that pleasure of the old time again.'
'Do I?'
'You're just pursuing the past.'
'Indeed.'
'It's against Nature.'
'I'll just accept whatever that comes.'
'All that you've been fighting for, you'll never have.'
'I'll accept that failure, that loss.'
'Let it go. You never know what's gonna happen in the future. God has his plan.'
'I don't believe in God.'
'You don't?'
'I've only believed in myself ever.'
'That's why you struggle and sin.'
'Sin?'
'Yes. Sin. Remember? It's against Nature.'
'But it's my nature. I can't help.'
'That's not how the world works.'
'I know. I just can't stop myself from it.'
'Let it go. Desperation doesn't get you anywhere.'
'I need to quiet myself down. I need a place to hide myself. A corner. A cave. Where no one sees and finds me.'
'If that helps. You may refine your direction. I suggest you to travel.'
'Should I?'
'Get on a train tomorrow. Take yourself to a new place. Come back with a new mind.'
'Why should I still come back? Why not just get gone forever?'
'Because you have your life here. To let go doesn't mean to give up.'
'How do you mean?'
'You are still to live on this life. But in a more spontaneous manner. Appreciate what you can. Accept what you cannot.'
'Can I?'
'Whatever the results are, you've done your greatest. You've won a lot.'
'Indeed. I've been happy and content somehow.'
'Yes. All that happiness you've had. You may have to part with that for a while. But I'm sure it will be back, if it's meant to be yours.'
'After all I think I'm after that happiness more than success. But it's sure good to haave both.'
'Happiness is success. You are successful, you are gaining in a different way.'
'I should agree.'
'Let it go.'

'Am I really ready to let go?'

Extended Response

2009-08-27T19:18:00.004+10:00

Analyse the visual language of the image to interpret Nathan Li's emotional state on August 27, 2009. You must refer to the case studies of trial exams and sudoku. (20 marks)

August 15, 2009 - MEMORIAL!

2009-08-16T18:19:00.003+10:00

Existence

2009-08-09T18:03:00.002+10:00

Why do humans exist?
Why does time exist?
What is the past, present and the future?

Having finished the assessments loosened me so much
I even got my long lost sexual desire back up seriously man
Yet I feel that I lost my objective to study this weekend
Two weeks later will be the trials
Yes I still know my ultimate objective is the trials and the HSC
I will keep my hard work through till the end
But before that
Before the new week begins
I decided to continue on mucking for a bit
Looking at people's blogs
People from the place I came from
People whom I grew up with
People whom I might have become like
I reckon many of these people are working now
On their start of running the rat race for the life
Should I comment on that or not
At least they are doing something while I still go to school
Well eduction of life I should call that
I guess I am not in their circle any more

I never am

Despite we were in the same class
And befriended for a while or two
I have never been part of them
Maybe it's because I had a second class I went to
A second circle of friends
A second education we enjoyed
That was the art class I had been going to for 10 years around that I guess
Even that wasn't the major life I lived for and I didn't take it seriously either
Somehow I liked it
And was and am proud of it

Now I am having another life
In another dimension of the world
And I guess I have completely been out of that world I came from
A world I never longed for and was attached to
People may think I am a pretentious jerk or whatever they call
They would hate me despise me for my disloyal neglect of my origin
But
This is what I have been chasing for
A new world
A new place
A new dimension
And I would never want to be back because of any of my remaining relations with the past

What am I talking about here
I have been out of my original topic

I am a jerk

My mind is fragmented

I don't know how I should continue on this post

But I am not finished with it

Anyways
Despite we came from the same place
We are now in different worlds living different lives achieving different goals of our own
But I do appreciate that I have lived in two different worlds that defined everything I am and all the ideas I have now

I am different
Wherever I am
Whichever world I live in
I am always different
Maybe I am always in my own world
A world that I want to materialise and bring to existence
I want changes

I am Hitler

As I am writing this post I have seen three of Paul McCartan's emails coming into my mailbox

Why do humans exist?
Why question it?
Since we do
Make the best of it
Because this existence will one day diminish
I like my blogging always would come to an optimistic conclusion

I have a world in my mind I want to bring to real life

But before that
I need to conquer the old world humans have built for however long they have existed

Part of which is the HSC

I am Nathan Li, Xiaofeng Li, 李晓峰

Doesn't matter

I am myself

2009-07-22T17:18:00.002+10:00

Having gone through the Internet, TV shows, radio, books, in short THE MEDIA
I have a lot to say and to express
But I don't want to put it in words
just YET
I want you to experience and appreciate the following twenty lines of blankness with me

A yet blank twenty years of future that we are going to add content and colour to

Too Busy

2009-07-14T20:38:00.004+10:00

Too busy holidaying
Too busy studying
Too busy doing assessment tasks
Too busy going to the library
Too busy reading comics
Too busy walking
Too busy watching MyBrute
Too busy watching MasterChef
Too busy Youtubing
Too busy waiting for Harry Potter
Too busy sleeping
Too busy watching Pokemon in the morning
Too busy everything...
Therefore
Too busy for blogging

P.S. I do want to do the self-mocking piece though
But I know we are all too busy doing our every other thing

July 1, 2009 - What Happened in the City Stays in the City

2009-07-06T17:52:00.007+10:00

I don't want to go to school for the rest of the term any more
I just want to sleep and lie in my bed a whole day and not do anything

But tomorrow we can wear our jersey

Friday the last of school I have an English assessment

So I do have to go to school until this term finishes

Let's flashback a bit and have a play in structure

Last Wednesday we had our last Geography excursion

I was very anticipated and going to take more photos

But what do you expect to take photos of at a Geography seminar stuffed with big-arrogant-white-private-school-rugby-team-type-with-Mr.Usher-look-alike-coach-teacher-etc-etc-etc in a I-don't-know-what-it's-called room steaming and stinking for what-the-hell four hours?! (More than that including the breaks)

I have to say the information is good

And somehow I was quite excited feeling that I can't wait to do the Geography exam with all this information

No that wasn't wise

I am not prepared at all

After the seminar

(By the way the seminar was at St Andrew's at Town Hall and as you know we always catch 506 from school there)

Doesn't this look like one of those castle where vampires live?

Especially the English ones

And here's the vampire
With his Chinese victim HAHA
He looks like Hiro from Heroes
That guy asked us something like when we were going to have our school holidays WTF
And as you can imagine the vampire got agitated by his Chinglish and sucked up his blood to death

WOW this guy is so manly powerful! Look at his urine! With the sculture raping the minotaur there!

On our way to Dymocks since Borders was shut down renovating
On the street
A guy out of nowhere from behind pushed me aside
'Get the fuck out of the way!'
'......'
'Get the FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?'
'I am scared...' I said quietly
He came back 'DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND I said GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!! DO I FUCKING DESERVE THIS TODAY HUH DO I FUCKING DESERVE THIS?!!!!'
And he was like going go up to Andrew Andrew's like WOO HOO calm down mate
Or maybe the guy said something else
But in that situation who could remember exactly what happened
And then the guy stormed off turned in a corner and we could just hear him bashing things
Everyone else was looking of course
We turned into a building immediately which leads to back to the pedestrian area where Borders is
With Dymocks virtually 50 metres in front of us
But who knows what would have happened if we kept going the same way as that guy did
YOU TWO HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM? WHY YOU FUCKING FOLLOWING ME? DO YOU WANT A FUCKING FIGHT?
You know... anything could happen

But that was such an experience of getting shouted randomly for having done absolutely nothing!

Seriously suburban life is good

The Australian dream exists for a reason

In the city you can just bump into these ramdom crazy people
I reckoned he just got fired
Andrew thought he was on drug

I was going to continue onto what happened the days after till today
But I just got an idea of mocking myself
YES I am going to satirise myself!
MY FUCKING EGO!!

...Later

Talk the Talk

2009-06-26T17:00:00.007+10:00

I have no desire for writing and blogging whatsoever at all
But I just want it to have some update
I feel blank
Despite I have got all these ideas which I can materialise
I just don't have the drive to do so
-
Now at this moment I remember I was going to blog about this a few days ago
Titled 'Experience' or the sort
I was going to start like this
'It's only when you have experienced
then you know what you really want and how you are going to get there'
That was triggered by my first day of work experience at Nationwide News (which produces The Daily Telegraph, mX, The Australian and such)
-
City is filthy
People are ignornant
Work is unchallenging
Life is repetitive
All is unexciting
-
That was what I experienced this Monday
I DO NOT want these to be the rest of my life
I want challenge
I want new things
I want unknown everyday that I can strive my ass for
-
And I thought I liked the city life
Yet after nearly three years of living in the suburban
I don't want the crowdedness of the city anymore
-
Three days of work experience
We generally walked around getting introduced to different people talking with them asking about their jobs
It was good getting to know what people actually do in the real world
And maybe that was sort of establishing contacts
Many people got their jobs through friends
Newspaper advertisements always make things so much harder requiring mountains of qualification and experiences
Things have to have a start in the first place hey
-
At the moment my thoughts are all over the place
that I couldn't organise anything well to be written down
Work experience
Heroes
Laughter
Assessments
Supress
Businesses
World
Fashion show today
And yet the most Blankness
-
Well to make things more interesting
Let me post a few photos of Eurasian girls (hope Andrew will enjoy)
-

I like their duality

I like the concept of DUAL

Even dual identity

Humans are always capable of much more

These girls are models based in Hong Kong

With Lisa S being a VJ and host for Channel V as well

I would like to be a host if my English is way better and more 'original'

At least I think I can talk with an elevated tone and not be as rigid

That's why I call this Talk the Talk

As I think I have been very conversational in this post

Yes

We all need motivation and inspiration

We need things that can cheer us up to chase our goals

And those usually come from the talk

Talk we have with people

With friends

With laughter

With passion

With love

That is the LIGHT

It's never gonna be written down submitted to SMH anymore

Yet yes always in my head

(The man who jumped off the building in the middle of Manhattan should have a second coming back to life)

May 15, 2009 - Ocean in the City - Part V/Final Lunch

2009-06-12T19:42:00.008+10:00

Finally come to the finish of the day

Took me a month to upload all the photos

Well because I can bother doing it on fridays

Coming up!

Well I didn't take many photos during the lunch

as I was waiting the time to pass so that we could leave

They say this was a pub

I really had no idea whatsoever

and McCartan said if our parents asked where we had lunch just say Sheriton Hotel (not sure the spelling) as it is right next to it but never say a pub

And sure here we have more Daniel the less sexy vampire than Andrew (so Alison said)

$15 buffet!

$10 Fish & Chips

Andrew, Henry and I didn't have anything

and sat there watching them oooh

Shoulda taken photos of Tyson CHEWING and giving a finger to the passer-by for merely looking at him having his own drink standing outside the pub

To finish the excursion we have this beautiful sky

Isn't the blue just so pretty that it can almost like absorb you

Well

The world is a good one when we spend time together

In response to Andrew's reminiscence of high school life with the Year 9 camp

I wish I could have more reminiscence of mine

Had I stayed in China

what would be my life like now?

I would have finished the Chinese HSC for sure though
Three years of last of high school down now

Nearly at least

Do I have something that I can come back to years later?

At least I could say Geography excursions are probably the bit I enjoy the most

And that was the last Geography excursion we had for HSC

for high school

All until the next one came along LOL!!

(that was McCartan's words)

July 1st!

Hopefully we will get approved and have another truly final excursion to this whatever it's called Geography seminar with GRANT KLEEMAN (WOW!!) as one of the speakers

2:30

We were dismissed and headed for Market City

Have no idea why we did it totally

it's almost like Market city is a compulsory of going to the city

I never like the place

but always got something to do with it

Henry had this Asian noodle

not really noodle ok I will call it rice noodle

I had my sandwich and mandarin as always

Andrew could not decide what to have and had nothing again

Yet as a result

and a good one

Andrew came up with going to a cafe in Harbourside

to one of the CONTACTS he has

or his mother and father have

and received free good food from the Korean owners

HAHA

That was great!

And yes

We headed back to the aqurium again

to have a real good look at things we missed for McCartan was hurrying to lunch

Ahh the light wasn't as good later in the day and can't make another vampire there

Then Andrew went to Randwick to his father's and I went home on my own

I always get sad over the ideas of leaving or departure

even over something I am not even connected to or involved with

I cried towards the end of Year 6

privately of course

Don't remember if i did in Year 9 Graduation (China's system)

All in all

Here I am now

I chose to be here and live this life

And I am gald that I did

All is worth it!

May 15, 2009 - Ocean in the City - Part IV Aquarium

2009-06-05T19:39:00.012+10:00

Alison! Scream for the new VAMPIRE!

Isn't that pale face scary?!

Well I love my photo adjustment skills combined with the reflection of water in the aquarium

May 15, 2009 - Ocean in the City - Part III Break

2009-05-29T18:10:00.006+10:00

Ocean in the City - Special - Report Cover

2009-05-26T19:53:00.002+10:00

May 15, 2009 - Ocean in the City - Part II IMAX

2009-05-22T17:49:00.007+10:00

Here we are

Over-excited before the film

May 15, 2009 - Ocean in the City - Part I McDonald's

2009-05-15T21:08:00.011+10:00

Second excursion for Year 12 Geography

also the last one for the year and high school life

and it was one of those most carefree and enjoyable ones

Let's all experience

the great ocean, its lifeforms, its complexity in the middle of this concrete city

Fairtrade coffee from McDonald's recommended by Mr Paul McCartan

Nice! I like this one!

Henry always likes to play cool! Look at Andrew's face at the back!

Ready to head off to IMAX!

Watch out those who ate! <3!!!

One Way Out

2009-05-02T12:58:00.001+10:00

The troops stalked silently in the heat of the jungle, spread out over a ten metre perimeter. Tommy Parkins looked around fearfully. Sweat trickled down his grimy face and he blinked again to get out of the way. He was scared – damn it – he was so scared that he wouldn’t dare raise his hand from the trigger to wipe it off. He could tell the others were scared too; that is , all the new guys on the team.

Tommy scanned the trees again, not sure whether he saw something or not. He licked his parched lips nervously, felt his mind drifting back home to Seattle where Lucy was waiting, their little son in her arms. How he yearned to be away from this war-torn country! Angrily, Tommy cursed Cambodia and her people.

A loud metallic click sounded from his left. He swung about, ready to blast the sniper when he came face to face with his mate, Franko. Franko was frozen on the spot, a look of terror in his eyes. Tommy backed away, shocked by what was to happen.

‘Come on, get going trooper!’ the commander shouted. Tommy ran to him, Franko was his friend – he couldn’t leave his mate to be blown to pieces.

‘Please, Sir,’ Tommy stuttered, ‘can’t we stop it?’

A nearby soldier scoffed at him. Tommy swallowed, his eyes fixed on the commander. Slowly, ever so slowly, the commander shook his head. Tommy turned around to see Franko’s foot start to lift off the mine.

‘No!’ The voice was muffled by the explosion as Franko was tossed into the air, coming down in pieces. Tommy was knocked to the ground by a corpse. For a moment he did not realise that they were fighting with the group of Charlie’s.

In fear and anger for his friend’s death, Tommy suddenly became a mad bull. He shot at the dark shapes he had recognised from memory; his rattled out the bullets. He saw the shadows fall for their last time and the jerks of the gun spun out his fury.

A pained gasp came from his left. Tommy walked towards the sound, knowing the sniper to be injured and at his mercy. He approached the enemy. Fearful eyes met his gaze. Tommy stared at the woman. She held her baby son close to her chest, protectively. The woman was wounded in the shoulder, the child unharmed.

‘Please help – baby,’ the woman pleaded in broken English. Tommy wanted to help the poor woman but… Franko! Oh goodness, I can’t! Tommy thought in despair. The woman tried again.

‘Take baby, go!’ she begged. She held the baby towards Tommy, gesturing wildly. ‘I can’t,’ Tommy agonised. ‘You could have been the one who put it there. You placed the mine there, you animal!’

‘You put the mine there to kill Franko, you wench!’ Tommy growled. The woman wildly shook her head but Tommy did not heed her. In one swift movement Tommy raised the gun to the wailing mother and child and pulled the trigger.

Silence rang through the forest but Tommy heard the baby’s cries echo. Blood was everywhere, a bitter smell assailed his nose and his stomach suddenly wrenched violently. Tommy could hear the commander approaching, attracted by the gunshot. Hastily, Tommy wiped the warm blood from his face and confronted his commander.

The commander surveyed the dead bodies and turned to Tommy.

‘Are you all right?’ Tommy nodded, a little too hastily. The commander decided to leave him at peace and Tommy wept, alone, horrified at what he had done.

After that tour, Tommy was transferred on request, to a non-warring zone in Cambodia. There, he served out his time before returning to America.

The old little cottage was run down now. When Franko lived here it seemed so different. Tommy approached the steps of the house and knocked on the door. He smiled a little as he remembered how Franko had told him the doorbell did not work.

The sound of light footsteps announced the only occupant of the house. Mrs. Costello opened the door and greeted Tommy warmly. Tommy returned her smile but it did not touch his heart. He had to tell her the news.

It was the same in the parlour, that same musty old smell of roses and dust. Tommy sat where he always sat, by the window. His friend’s wife watched him as he sipped his tea and waited patiently.

‘I’ve come with news of Franko, Maria,’ Tommy began uneasily. Maria frowned.

‘What news?’ she asked, ‘What other news than that he has passed away?’

Tommy was taken aback.

‘You knew?’ Tommy almost shouted. Maria let out a merry laugh, nodding.

‘Isn't it funny enough, to be killed by your own side? Franko’s a joker through to his end…’ Maria let out a sign. Tommy just stared. Own side? How can it be?

‘What do you mean ‘own side’? I thought…’ Tommy stuttered. Maria looked at him, concerned.

‘I thought you were there? He was killed by a U.S. mine. Didn’t you now?’ Tommy shook his head, still in shock. His visit was suddenly cut short by this statement. Tommy could not believe it! He realised that there was indeed this possibility but in his anger…

‘What have I done?’ Tommy exclaimed, the picture of a wounded Cambodian entered his mind and, in her arms, a baby. Maria saw Tommy’s face turn white and shuddered at his ghostly complexion.

‘Are you all right, Tommy?’ Maria asked, rising from her seat. Tommy blinked for a while and stood up, stuttering. A mumbled apology was all he muttered before he rushed out of the house, away from the truth.

For years after this encounter, Tommy tried desperately to erase his feeling of regret and grief. He drank, smoked, took drugs and worked himself half-dead, to no avail. At night, he had nightmares and woke up with the baby’s wail ringing in his ears. Staying at home made it worse for he had to see Lucy and Matthew, happy and alive, while he knew that, if he had known, that baby would be alive. His family began to symbolise what could have been if he, Thomas Parkins, had not pulled that trigger.

I’ll never forget this, damn it, Tommy thought. The graveyard was silent, save the pattering of the rain on the tombstones. In front of him was the grave of Frank Costello, dead these last thirty years and Tommy was now a grandfather twice.’ I’ve got to get over this feeling or I’ll go MAD!’ after his outraged yell, the silence rang out about him as on that terrible day. Tommy wept again, hysterically. To a passer-by he would have seemed already mad. He sank to his knees and drew out a possession he always kept with him. He stroked the barrel softly as if bidding it farewell. ‘I’m sorry, Lucy, but there’s no other way.’

The head paramedic knew by the way the bullet entered this man that he was dead. It was obvious it was suicide…not just by the fingerprints all over the blooming gun but by that look on his face – a look of tremendous grief and remorse.

‘Take him away,’ he sighed.

By Belinda Leung
First Write – Anthology of Prose and Verse by Fellowship of Australian Writers, Eastwood=Hills Region

Stop, Identify your dream, Keep going

2009-04-22T17:56:00.002+10:00

Working non-stop and uptight always
Trying to get as much as possible done for the whole time
As if not being productive for one second is a sin
Isn't that difficult, tiring, making you lose sight of the world around you and yourself?

Lol that I found Geography is very straining
For this assessment task I can only produce one paragraph per day
as it requires such intellectual effort to research, think, relate, construct to put pieces together
Well maybe only for me
But interesting that since I am writing one paragraph per day
I found myself having enough days to finish all the paragraphs before the end of the holiday
Rather than stressing myself for nothing before

Yesterday after I finished the bit of the day
Went to libraries hoping to find information and evidences for Sao Paulo
as I couldn't find much form Internet
well I didn't try hard to
and I don't know about it as much as I know about Guangzhou
Didn't find anything Mcquarie
simply there's far far too too much to find from
I didn't even know how to find the geography session
Well I bumped into it randomly anyways
and they got a lot historic books on the history of Brazil
Err that was in the history session next to geography
Matheson must go there a lot
And coming to the next aisle
Don't think there's anything much on Brazil, Sao Paulo, mega-cities, cities...
Or just me couldn't find them
Thought of Hermoine who could find anything from the Hogwarts library
Yet from the Epping library brought back four DVDs
Decided to have some time out for the day and today

What Happens In Vegas
The Closet Tales of Australian Fashion
Wah-wah
Mamma Mia!

What Happens In Vegas
Simple, cliche, predictable, shallow, American, funny
and I like it
for the laughter it brings
Perhaps all humans want sometimes or maybe all the time is just some fun, joy and laughter
Why think, criticise and be philosophical so much?
Well we do need those to advance ourselves
But we do need a balance
and be simple and ourselves
Be fun
Laugh
Make people happy
American comedies do have their values
Maybe not textual
but simply entertaining in nowadays' modern yet isolating life

Second one is a documentary from SBS
Not that I want to be a fashion designer
I didn't see the title in the first place
I thought it was about some commercail product designers
But well in fact fashion designers
What I like is the process of turning inspiration into tangible products and commercial success with the designers' talents and belief in persuing their dreams
Of the four designers showcased
One is Peter Morrissey
Quite surprised when I realised he was the bald guy in the Westfield ad
Think he has this special charisma
and his voice and look
being able to lead and influence people
Also he is very socialable and likes to be in the centre of focus
Then Lover
co-named by the couple Suzanna and Nick
Well Suzanna (can't remember the spelling) is Asian lol how cool
What I like about is that she and Nick, being a couple and partners in their business
being together all the time
in separable
became one
persuing one common dream that they have
I hope I can be like that in the future too
having someone with me achieving something we both love and care about
I think for me
ultimately
I want to be a multimedia producer
being able to express my thoughts and vision to the world
Well remembered a few weeks ago I said
for my part-time occupation
I would like to be
a photographer
an artist
a graphic designer
a tutor
a writer
sells some stuff online
and no idea what my main occupation was

And yes
now for my dream to come true
I must get the UAI I want and the scholarship
Hopefully I will be doing Engineering combined with Art in ANU

Sometimes having a break from work can reassure the direction you want to go
Then adjust yourself and go back on track with more energy, strategy and stronger belief

To those who only do their work all the time
Stop
Identify your dream
and keep doing

Also consider others
Be fun
and make people happy

By the way
for Wah-wah
I hardly could understand South African English combined with British accent with no subtitles
The film is supposedly a warm moving human drama
and it was indeed

Mamma Mia!
Again be fun and laugh!

Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

Dig in the dancing queen!

Halo - Beyonce

2009-04-20T15:46:00.008+10:00

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Leichhardt - April 14, 2009

2009-04-18T18:51:00.007+10:00

New Town - April 14, 2009

2009-04-15T18:53:00.007+10:00

New is old

Old is decayed

Decayed is reminiscent

A lane that led to pessimists' deal with the world

Their choice

My fear

Had I not kept walking downExit, and entrance, is this close

Looking at the past from today's debris

On the move again

All along the track

what?

In a world of black and white

Isn't what you more

real

simple

natural

un-rhetorical

more like the past

I like the idea of looking back at the past

Going back to the origin

to put forward the cause of the consequence today

Photograph recollection of An Untitled Day through City Part III (2)

2009-04-11T10:16:00.006+10:00

http://urbanisedjournalism.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-2-2008-untitled-day-through_10.html

Continuing on the same part of the story

Under the fountain is the swimming pool

Who is controlling who?

I guess that is it for the whole story

Unfortunately I didn't get to take any photographs at Kings Cross

http://urbanisedjournalism.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-2-2008-untitled-day-through_11.html

Yet lastly

Somewhere at Marsfield

Photograph recollection of An Untitled Day through City Part III (1)

2009-04-08T17:13:00.007+10:00

http://urbanisedjournalism.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-2-2008-untitled-day-through_10.html

Ummm...are we watching a vampire movie? The red colour and Andrew with his mouth like that really gives that feeling.

Earth Hour – One hour to save the world? - Introduction

2009-04-07T17:01:00.004+10:00

Hungry, bored, unmotivated at TAFE right now
I have just finished the introduction of my assignment
It is a response of critical study of a media text
In fact I don't have a fixed text
rather all kinds of media articles and figures relating to this topic of Earth Hour
I reckon this introduction is a bit too revealing
as I have made almost all the points I should be doing in the body
In a way everything is expected
Not surprising and appalling enough
which I always have liked

Here's my introduction

In a third succeeding year on March 28, 2009, in response to ‘Earth Hour’ initiated by WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature / World Wildlife Fund), the globe went dark for an hour at local time from 8:30pm to 9:30pm. About 88 countries and 4000 cities participated in the campaign by turning the lights off from the major landmarks, followed by households, businesses and organisations. It is exhilarating to see the rhetoric from the Kyoto Protocol being implemented, generating a sense of global people power aiming to make a difference to the world. However, while there are 8760 hours in a year, does one hour of lights off per year the key to the threatening global crisis in climate change and energy supply? How would the globe of people do involving massive industrial production and use of petrol-supplied vehicles in the rest of 8759 hours effect on our future? Have we ever realised our daily consumption for a century or so has gone far off the limit and led to the crisis we are facing today? Like this or not, the answer lies in modification in our consuming behaviour in every single Earth Second...

Extraneous - Grey

2009-04-03T18:11:00.004+11:00

What's about this short blond hair and her face which is attracting me?

Photograph recollection of An Untitled Day through City Part II

2009-04-02T18:43:00.011+11:00

In the mild glory of the late coming sun after the sour rain pouring over the earth
southern earth, New South Wales' earth, well, our egocentric earth
Here comes the second installation of our recollection of our Geography excursion last term
I believe we are going to have another one soon
City again!

Now April 2, 2009

looking back at December 2, 2008

http://urbanisedjournalism.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-2-2008-untitled-day-through_06.html

COOL & COLD

The new fashion label!

Jessica looking out for...
In fact dodging the camera

Bicycles
The way to go of the new century

Whose hand was it begging from Daniel?
Apparently David was there being jealous over it

The jealousy goes on

Selective photo of the Centennial Park

There are so much more of it but too boring to post them all up

The gang. Oooooooooh! Watch out!

Earth Hour - DID YOU TURN YOUR LIGHTS OFF?

2009-03-28T21:43:00.004+11:00

I particularly stayed out longer tonight walking around Epping to see if people responded to the Earth Hour
Well nothing much was different
People still had their lights on
Street lights
Houses and apartments
Shops restaurants and businesses
Epping train station and bus station
Only I walked past one restaurant yes ONE restaurant in Epping the one next to the chemist
And the lights there were off
I was in fact pretty appreciate with that even I wasn't sure whether that was only for atmosphere or what
And I thought I was right
By the time when I walked back around 9 o'clock
The restaurant had the lights back on

I am being cynical here and I am trying to understand here the reasons why not many people responded to the Earth Hour
Was it
-inadequate coverage and means of media communication about the event?
-people simply don't care?
-people are so busy that they have to have their lights on at that time?

Anyways
If you really mean to cut down your energy consumption
you don't have to only do it during the Earth Hour
Besides such rhetoric is not enough after all
We should consume as less as possible energy every single day by using less electricity
Like some of houses I saw, I see, that always have their lights off or minimum lights on in the neighbourhood

Well indeed our house did have our lights off for the whole hour!

Photograph recollection of An Untitled Day through City Part I

2009-03-28T19:14:00.009+11:00

Since posting the photos from Tropfest last week
I somehow decided to make my blog more visual
Hence there you go photos from the Geography excursion last term
And here's the link for the text

http://urbanisedjournalism.blogspot.com/2008/12/december-2-2008-untitled-day-through.html

And Tim commented at the time
"bummer u can't capture everything with a picture. =/"

Well I actually did
but still not all
not when McCartan storming across the city

As you can see I was actually taking a photo on McCartan, pretending on Henry

Cause and consequence III Afternoon, Present, Afternoon

2009-03-21T19:02:00.001+11:00

It is of great enjoyment
On a Friday afternoon
4:30
Or thereabout
The world is of a golden colour
Sunlight
Autumn-ness
Life
Yet close up the curtains against the heat
Leaving threads of light infiltrating in
In the room
Quietness
Lonesome
Relief after a long yet short week
Sitting on the couch and watch a movie
Yes that is my greatest enjoyment
Sitting there not worrying about anything to do light off watching a movie
Since there is nothing much on TV
Never
Reckon I should change that if I work my way to media

And I watched The Talented Mr Ripley

Consequence of all causes
I screwed the first term of HSC
Extension 2 mathematics
Chemistry
Business
Consequence of lack of motivation in Term 4
Consequence of lack of self-settlement and self-thoughts in the holiday before Term 4
Consequence of lack of having to work piles and piles and piles of documents
Consequence of someone’s business failure
Consequence of someone’s mistrust and mismanagement
Consequence of someone’s stupidity

And I cannot let such consequences of such causes affect me anymore and be the next consequences
I must undo the impacts of these consequences in the upcoming five assessments in the following three weeks
I must succeed in HSC!

This afternoon
Stayed in my room
Something I haven’t done for such a long time on a Saturday afternoon
Sun shines outside
As having pushed the depressing clouds in the morning away
Doing some work
Yet still with my computer on
Chatting
Browsing
Blogging

What might the consequence of those be?

We will see

Tropfest Febuary 22, 2009

2009-03-20T22:09:00.019+11:00

What a moody image of Sydney's sky to start off this late reflection of Tropfest 2009

on Febuary 22, 2009 and I think I got the date right

The photos are not in any particular order as it is really hard to edit image positions on Blogger here

Oh I love the last two

Such masterpieces

And it was a great day

very good oppotunity to shout and laugh out loud

Australia

2009-03-12T00:21:00.002+11:00

Stepping down the paved
Looking up
the green
the blue
the glow
surrounding you
intertwining the world
Take a sniff
it's not the scent of Australia I first knew any more
The language of the air has changed
but what
Temperature?
English?

Looking down
the path towards the front
the memory back to the past
Australia I knew of
smell of cold- yet freshness in the air
sense of distance yet allurement yet flair
mixed with strawberry lip balm against the dry frosty dare

Alternate 27/02/09 Hide

2009-02-27T17:32:00.003+11:00

We've been together for three days and it is my best time in the life ever. Yesterday I was kinda lost. She didn't talk to me at all in the morning. She was sitting across the block chatting with her friends like I am invisible. Is that it, I thought, that we are dating like that? What do we fall in love for? Do we call ourselves dating while we barely look at each other? Why do we have to DATE and force this boyfriend and girlfriend thing onto ourselves then?

The bell rang and we went for roll call. I have no idea when she came behind me but she had her hand in mine, all that suppressed feeling at my chest was gone then. We agreed not to tell anyone, she said. Yes, and we had our hands back quickly enough when her friends came along.

Well, as long as she knows that what she's doing I am happy with it. I mean, we don't need to show the whole world that we are dating, that we are in love with each other, that we can't live a moment without each other's presence for one second, that we need to keep hugging and kissing each other to show that we are horny assholes!

We are who we are. We have our way of expressing our care and like. It's a thing that's only about us two. Not showing up to everyone else.

Alternate 25/02/09 Start

2009-02-25T18:27:00.005+11:00

SHE DID IT!
SHE FINALLY SAID IT!
For such a long time I've waited, she said she liked me and wanted to be with me! Despite this is the ever important year of HSC I said yes. We both agree not to tell anyone in school at the moment yet...

Cause and consequence II Infernal Affairs

2009-02-24T18:31:00.004+11:00

Had a nice night at Tropfest
could say it was one of those best time I have ever had
think the night might've been more complete and more exciting if we caught a train home instead of being picked up
It's just something I prefer and have been doing all these years
Having the whole outing all by ourselves
No any form of parents' interference
not even phone calls
Talk about Independence

Now back to what I started

Towards the end of the summer holiday of 2009
Circumstances forced me to watch these Infernal Affairs movies from Hong Kong
which were so popular but I would have never wanted to watch them as I thought they would be purely actions of police chasing bad guys
Apparently I thought wrong and they gave me so much inspiration on this notion of cause and consequence which linked to this whole series of entries
Perhaps
In fact
The world is all about cause and consequence
which is exactly what the origin idea of this seires of entries about
about what contributed to my unsatisfactory results in the first term of my HSC!

I remember I was going to start the blog like this
One thing leads to another. We live in a world of consequences. What we experience in our life now is a result of the past, a foundation of the future...

Talk about Infernal Affairs
Trilogy if that's what you call it
The story is built up on two cops
One a cop in a criminal group as a spy for the police
One also a cop but actually a spy for the criminal group
Insisting the belief that 'I am a cop', both of them are sworn to contribute to the world, despite their origin and current status
First cop called Chan
Second cop called Lau
Here's brief their story from my own understanding

(I)
Unfortunately I didn't get to see this part of the story big lol
but I think it's basically about the police working to break the criminal group down
Police were aware of the presence spies from the criminal
Yet Lau's true identity remained veiled
In the end another spy in the police was revealed
Chan died in line of duty

(II)
Flashbacks to many years ago to reveal the Causes of the story
Chan was the highest achiever in the police school
Lau fell for the wife of the big bad boss in (I) who back then worked under the big big boss who actually was illegitimate father of Chan's
Lau was told to kill the big big boss and so he did
Chan was appointed to go in the criminal group on his connection with the big big boss to spy for the police
Lau was appointed to enrol in the police school to become a cop and spy for the other side
On Lau joining the police school Chan was expelled in the name of having broken rules
Since then the lives of the two were altered but destined to be intertwining each other's

(III)
Another cop was introduced
Name I don't remember let's call him Li
Li's job was to investigate all the spies that the criminal grop had put in the police
Lau tried to hide his identity as a spy and believed Li was in fact a spy and investigated Li
Lau learned about Chan before he died through the medical record from Chan's psychologist
Lau developed an alternate personality and thought he was Chan
In the end Li was shot by Lau and Lau and shot by another cop

The movie trilogy connects causes and consequences which developed the story through continual flashbacks
The story is actually very sentimental instead of typical police action
Lau's profound motive was the woman she fell for
yet it was this woman who put him in this situation
anyhow he still wanted to be a good cop instead but reality wouldn't allow
Chan had always believed he was a cop and what he did eventually would pull the criminals down
However he had led a restless life not even be able to have a good sleep until he met with the psychologist

It is because of these sentiments, emotions, pain, regrets, causes in the far past that defined the consequences of people's lives that I found these Infernal Affairs valuable and thought-provocative
Anything we have done in the past affects what we have now
What we are doing now will eventually impact our future

three dots for you to think
...
and three dots for this to be continued
...

This is not my thing at all, but I’m doing it

2009-02-15T12:29:00.001+11:00

Questions copied from Alison

100 Truths!
Last beverage → milk
Last phone call → Cindy
Last instant message → Can’t remember
Last song you listened to → Right now Etude for piano No. 10 in A flat major, Op. 10/10, B. 42/3
Last time you cried → Teared in the holidays when watching December Boys
HAVE YOU EVER:Dated someone twice → Yes
Been cheated on → Perhaps, dun wanna know
Kissed someone & regretted it → No
Lost someone special→ there’re some people I regretted not seeing anymore

IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:Fallen out of love → No
Laughed until you cried → No.
Met someone who changed your life → not in the last month, but I think I know more than a month is changing my life gradually
Found out someone was talking about you → not in the past month either
Have you kissed anyone on your top friends? → No
How many ppl on your top friends do you know in real life? All, as in those on facebook or bebo I used to have
How many kids do you want to have → one
Do you have any pets → No
Do you want to change your name → didn’t like my Chinese name, but don’t need to use it now, it’s ok
What time did you wake up today → around 9
What were you doing at midnight last night → sleepingName something you CANNOT wait for → to ace the HSC
Last time you saw your father → April 2008
What's one thing you wish you could change → My body
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → think yes
What's getting on your nerves right now → not doing anything productive right now
What's your real name → Nathan Xiaofeng Li
Relationship Status → Single
Zodiac sign → Leo
Elementary/primary School → Zhixinnan Prmary School, Guangzhou
Middle/secondary School → No.25 Middle School, Guangzhou
High School → Ryde Secondary College
Hair color → Black
Long or short → Short
Are you a health freak → getting to be
Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS:
First surgery → Never
First piercing → Left ear
First best friend → Gu siyu
First sport you joined → Martial arts WOW
First pet → used to have a bird in my place
First vacation → Australia
First crush → Cindy

CURRENTLY :
Eating → Nothing
Drinking → Nothing
Waiting → lunch

YOUR FUTURE :
Want kids? → maybe
Want to get married?→ maybe
Careers in mind? → architecture, advertising, media & journalism, multi-media freelance
HAVE YOU EVER:Kissed a stranger → No
Drank hard liquor → think yes
Lost glasses/contacts → lost glasses case.
Ran away from home → No
Broken someone's heart → Yes, perhaps
Been arrested → No
Turned someone down → Yes
Cried when someone died → not really

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself → yes the most
Miracles → coincidence sometimes
Love at first sight → absolutely
Heaven → not really.
Santa Claus → there are heaps who dress up like one
Kiss on the first date → sure why not, even sex
Angels → no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
Is there one person you want to be with right now? → no
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → no
Do you believe in God? → no

Cause and consequence I

2009-02-13T23:24:00.001+11:00

Oh well finally I’m putting myself together for this new blog entry after such a long time
To be honest I had the idea of what this entry is about in the first place at the end of Term 4 last week
I was going to start like this
‘Since this blog is becoming more like a record of my personal experience during Year 12 and HSC, I am going to recount what has happened since the virtual beginning of Year 12’
I was going to title it as ‘Ten weeks ago’
Then it became ‘Ten plus one weeks ago’
Followed by ‘Ten plus two weeks ago’
Well even towards the end of the summer holidays this specific entry was nowhere to be found but in my mind
Yet I am pretty sure I can remember 99% of the original idea of it
By chance towards the end of the holidays
I got to watch the ‘Infernal Affairs’ movies
Pretty famous Hong Kong police-action movies yes
Didn’t watch them till now
Yes of police stories
But no action police chasing bad guys in cars and gun shooting like I thought as tedious like those in James Bond at all
It is this Infernal Affairs that gives me the idea of ‘Cause and consequence’
The official title of this entry
Matching my purpose of recounting the ‘ten weeks ago’ back then
Should learn to keep my entries short and easy to read
Hence again I am putting it into parts
And here is part one sort of introduction
Right now I am feeling a bit bored with my study having working hard for two weeks
It’s like I want something extra yet unknown what do I want?
I even feel so restless I am not able to put myself to sleep on this Friday night
Yet instead that’s why this entry is finally surfaced out of my mind
Which I have harboured for ten plus ten weeks

To be continued

Everything exists to come to an end

2009-01-27T14:20:00.004+11:00

So this holiday existed to end today
January 27, 2009
Looks like I forgot what I planned to start with for this entry
Anyways at least I've had a rather satisfactory holiday
did play
did study
did sleep
did be lazy
did watch quite a lot of movies
from DVDs of course
what I planned this morning was listing these movies and drama series I watched
hope I can remember them all
not in any particular order

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Joy Luck Club
Memoirs of a Geisha
Confession of Pain (HK)
Vanilla Sky
Drink Drink Drink (HK)
High School Musical
Failure to Launch
Stage Beauty
Charlie Bucket and the Chocolate Factory
48 Shades
Hex Season I
Hex Season II
Infernal Affair II (HK)
Infernal Affair III (HK)
War of the Worlds

there may be more
can't remember all at the moment
and this finally

Hanazakari no Kimitachi e
What a name!
I definitely don't even know how to pronounce it
nor is it mentioned in the drama once at all
at least that's what I think
Ok this blog is definitely not going like what I planned days ago
But let's get back to this drama series
This ultra shallow stupid foolish illogical unrealistic fobby jap drama
made me very happy though
made me laugh
made me laugh and laugh
made me laugh and laugh and laugh again
made me tear
made me feel the energy of youth again
Yes I am old
perhaps I have never had this energy of youth
this fun-loving careless let's-just-be-happy-right-now types of attitudes
No I have never lived my life even one single moment like that
We all know real life is not as ideal as those created in fictions
But why can people create such idealism for fictions but can't create that in their own real life?
Unfortunately this is not a rhetorical question
perhaps it is because in fictions everything is under control by the creaters
while in real life things are always influences by circumstances, rules, and never any coincidence in those ideal fictions

Talk about the techniques of filming
I love the tone of scenes a lot
I have only ever seen such tones only in Japanese films
towards sunset by the river is a saturate loess yet golden colour through the whole scene
at the beach is a titanium brightness echoing with the most beautiful blue sky
on a grassland is a fresh vivid youth green
How I want to make this saturate loess and titanium brightness myself too
gotta learn it one day
that may be also why Japanese stuff always look so cool
under those lights everything would look cool

And fictionally
their time being together in high school came to an end
Realistically
the drama series came to an end
More realistically
this holiday is about to end today
Nothing could go forever
but cherished memory and belief
Sounds a bit superficial and artificial
this drama has turned to be my belief
not the content, not the ideal
but the spirit, the energy
I hope it could accompany me through HSC
every time when I am about to fall down and sleep on
I should think about the spirit
those students' smiles
that I would achieve my best
hopefully the ever best of best of all
This holiday will end
The HSC year will end
Our high school life will end
One day our life will end too
nothing is really a circle
not even an ecosystem
life would continue on
but not the same life again
it's the life of another individual
or even perhaps LIFE will end as well
In War of the Worlds
it says something like humans are destined to be extinct because the higher intellectual life forms have buried the destroying machines under the ground long before we existed on Earth
yet the values we make during our existence would not let our life be called a waste
So why not before it ends
we live up to every single moment
enjoy the being of now
make values of our own
to remain in our cherished memory and belief
for ourselves to deserve our life!

Let us proclaim
Anti emo!
Life is beautiful!

Continuing Ecosystems continued

2009-01-16T14:22:00.003+11:00

There is good and there is evil… right and wrong… heroes and villains. And if we’re blessed with wisdom, then there are glimpses between the cracks of each where light streams through. We wait in silence for these times when sense can be made… when meaningless existence comes into focus, and our purpose presents itself. And if we have the strength to be honest, then what we find there staring back at us is our own reflection, bearing witness to the duality of life. That each of us is capable of both the dark and the light… of good and evil… of either, of all. And destiny, while marching ever in our direction, can be rerouted by the choices we make. By the love we hold onto and the promises we keep.

As I said I would find the exact words of the voiceover from the end of Heroes Volume Three and so I did
As usually this voiceover is the voice of Dr Suresh the Indian scientist
I should also include the voiceover from the beginning of the same episode, or chapter
which was Sylar's voice
for once I think ever in all Heroes voiceover when all were done by Dr. Suresh
I would like to talk about Sylar and this whole Volume Three Villains but not today
Hopefully next time when I am pumped with ideas and in the correct mood to write

On the sixth day, God created Man in his own image. Now it’s up to us to figure it all out. Right... wrong… good… evil. In each of us is the capacity to decide what drives our actions. So what is it, then, that makes some choose selflessness, the need to devote themselves to something greater, while others know only self-interest, isolating themselves in a world of their own making? Some seek love, even if unrequited, while others are driven by fear and betrayal. There are those who see their choices as dark proof of God’s absence while others follow a path of noble destiny. But in the end, good, evil, right or wrong… what we choose is never what we really need. For that is the ultimate cosmic joke. The real gift that God has left behind.

It is funny that how I have linked superheroes and their powers, ecosystems and my Geography assessment task together under these 'Ecosystems' titles
and yes I haven't done anything more to my assessment task since the last comment on the last blog entry
which means so far I have only done the cover page and introduction
What am I doing?!
There's officially only one complete week before the school starts
Hopefully there will be these two strike days
but that doesn't add much more time for us
I am doing English now anyways
And I don't know what more I should say here now
One thing for sure, two
I love Heroes
I love Harry Potter
actually three
I love their super powers and magics

Ecosystems continued

2009-01-09T22:19:00.003+11:00

HERE I AM ANNOUNCING!
I HAVE OFFICIALLY STARTED MY ASSESSMENT TASK FOR GEOGRAPHY!
the work I have procrastinated for nearly four weeks
so far I have done
the cover page
a lot huh?
I have found that I tend to procrastinate a lot
I even procrastinate blogging
I have had several ideas and events that I should have blogged about days ago, weeks dao, months ago
nah not months yet
started the blog on December 1, 2008
a month ago should say
Don't worry we will have some flashback later
which sounds more interesting than mere recounts
Anyways I should be focusing on doing this assessment task right now
it is a management plan for Centennial Park
One of the ecosystems at risk huh?
those science heroes do something to save it!
Hay I borrowed some other Spiderman and Fantastic 4 comics from the library again
another excuse to procrastinate lol
I won't let myself I swear!
I will have to learn to SUSTAIN study and entertainment
'sustain' huh new hot word nowadays
'it' word!
Another hay Heroes is about to the season final next week on Channel 7
and of course ages ago already in USA
and last night I can't wait to see the final I just watched it on Youtube
ummm not a bad one though
just like Heroes
always getting more and more complicated
look forward to Season Four - Volume Four Fugitives
someone got to be on the run then
hmmm Prison Break?

The Differences between FOBs and ABCs

2009-01-08T19:00:00.001+11:00

This would definitely have not been what I would blog. Not with this blog at least. Yes I used to have some Chinese blogs on which I ‘ranted’ (using Alison’s word) about stuff and people I hated, including FOBs perhaps, even though I myself am considered a FOB by ABC. Since I don’t know when I have changed I guess, I have not ‘ranted’ and complained as much as I used to. Am I becoming a happier person? Something for sure is that I still do complain, about the results of assessments mostly though lol. And yes I guess I have also become a more self-contented person.

So Alison has this entry about how she hates about FOBs. And I was mentioned as a FOB in it, yet a cool FOB. Should I laugh or cry? As a matter of fact I am a FOB as I have only been in Australia for two and a half year. But I don’t see myself as a FOB. Guess no FOBs would do though. Some FOBs don’t even know what FOBs are. And I do hate FOBs and their fobby behaviours actually. To respond to Alison’s dedication as well as Tim’s to this FOBs topic, I would like to present some theories on the differences between FOBs and ABCs, according to my dual experiences in Australia and China, which I have concluded during there two and a half years.

Despite FOBs and ABCs (not excluding Koreans and other Asians) are of the same ethnic backgrounds, they do look and act differently due to the environments they are brought up in. Here we go FOBs and ABCs are different in:

Skin tones
FOBs look paler while ABCs look more tanned. Hard to describe exactly, simply saying FOBs’ skins look crappy, and a personal opinion is that there is a kind of sex appeal in ABCs’ skins. The factors I think which contribute to that are the qualities of water and exposure in sunlight. The water in Australia tastes cooler and clearer while the water in Asia, especially in China, feels denser and in fact more polluted. It is usually sunny in Australia while in China you hardly see through the sky.

With the skin tones being the only physical feature due to the physically environmental and climatic factors, the following mainly come from cultural influences which shape up their behaviours through time like popular cultures and groups of reference. Asian popular cultures are mainly influenced by the Japanese culture while Australian by American and beach cultures. That leads to a huge difference between FOBs and ABCs:

The way they dress
ABCs, as well as other Aussies, dress in a kind of simplicity – simple matching of tops and pants or dresses for girls, a straightforwardness, clothes with sizes fitting to their bodies, showing their body shape, therefore another kind of sex appeal. FOBs always try to dress like the street culture in Japan, most of the time turning out to be a totally different thing from the Japanese. In other words they look like being in too much of everything (for girls, the layers trend a long time ago), oversized shirts as well as other overdone kind of clothing. ABC girls tend to wear very short shorts, as I have noticed recently, to show off their legs (?), while FOBs wear long pants a lot to cover their legs as they think their legs are thick like elephants’. Indeed they are lol, due to the lack of physical activities.

Hair style
This is less defining. However, some male FOBs like to have those long, thick, somehow shaped, and dyed hairstyles. Male ABCs would just have some simple haircuts, with some tend to dye their hair a lot since in Australia you are allowed to do anything to your hair unlike in China. However, some ABCs’ sense of fashion is not as strong as FOBs. Some ABCs still have those spiky gelled hairstyles. Female ABCs like to leave their hair as it is, straight, black, long. Some girls like to dye their hair in natural looking colours like brown. Female FOBs think bangs and fringes are pretty and a way to cover their foreheads as well as some thing to decorate their faces. Usually FOBs’ hair texture feels worse than ABCs: FOBs’ rougher and dryer, ABCs smoother. Some ABCs, due to higher exposure to sunlight, have a hair colour of less black. Some FOBs have oily hair.

Manner
Walking on streets, being in front of strangers, FOBs always try to look meek, timid, not noticing surrounding. As a result when they walk they walk in small paces, with their heads looking down. Some put their hands together in front. ABCs walk just as what they do and who they are. A lot of FOBs embrace the gangster culture. They think that is ‘cool’. So they try to act like a gang sometimes, swear, be rude to people, threaten people saying they know someone big and will ask them to fight them. While some of ABCs also do that, many ABCs again just be who they are and do what they do, not trying to pretend any anything, not being any wannabes.

Speaking of English
Finally it is the most defining and known one. We are in Australia, an English-speaking country; of course we talk about speaking of English. FOBs speak with an accent of their language, incorrect pronunciation, incorrect use of words and grammar and so on and on. ABCs speak fluent English, yet some of them, speak in an accent, not necessarily Asian accent, but with a slight hint that you are able to tell that they also speak an Asian language. FOBs speak with the tone going down and ABCs going up.

It looks like I have written a report sort of thing. And I believe there are much much more differences between FOBs and ABCs I haven’t mentioned and found yet. There are the ones you can see and tell on a surface level. I also believe FOBs and ABCs definitely think and perceive things differently due to historic and cultural factors. And yes, some FOBs do try to learn English well. Yet speaking their native languages is just so much easier as to a psychological level, they need to be constantly heard and understood, since they have come to such a foreign and lonely environment for them. If they cannot attain the most basic communication they are likely to experience an emotional breakdown. That was some work I did in my Geography Major Work, or was it called something else, research project, can’t remember, in Year 11. Some FOBs don’t even have the chance to get to know any ABCs or Aussies therefore they just go with the easy way speaking their languages do their ‘thing’. After all I do agree that some FOBs, with their attitudes, are very annoying and nasty! While they cannot speak perfect English, can they learn to respect the Australian culture a little bit more? And can they leave their FOB attitudes behind in their countries and start being an Australian since they have chosen to come to Australia?

Lastly thanks for Alison for saying I am becoming one of the ABCs. I hate being labeled as a FOB. I am not a FOB after all. FOBs are all about their arrogance, pretension and all kinds of their attitudes.

Dogs

2009-01-08T16:04:00.002+11:00

How I am scared of all kinds of animals except humans sometimes even humans
Especially DOGS which some humans call the most loyal "friends"
Yesterday when I walked past a house the dog there barked at me and it all made my skin crawl like there was a Dementor around
It was just a black furry little dog though
Of course I wouldn't know names of the dog like Chihuahua or whatehua
But think about this
Is it that all dogs are being hostile when they bark at strangers?
That they are trying to protect their owners and warn you away?
Or perhaps they are actually asking for help
Help me! SOS! Free me!
Imagine we humans werechained and forced to service some four- or eight-limbed creatures
When we saw other people
in this case those creatures or same kind of humans as us
light of help and freedom
would we try our best to ask for help
Help me! Help me! They are imprisoning me!
But yet in a language that is not understood
When we were ignored and seeing the light was about to pass away
would we try even better than best almost or beyond crazy to grasp for help?
That might be a reason why when a dog meets another dog they bark at each other so crazily
Today I walked past the very same house
not even past yet
at the fence between the house before and that house
I could hear the very same dog barking already
I stopped right away to crossed the road
Still barking
Sorry I can't help to free you as I am scared of you
Back home and did this blog entry that I was going to do yesterday
And I just realised the words 'DOG' and 'GOD' are spelt one reverse of the other as I mistakenly typed 'god' for 'dog a few lines ago
Isn't that ironic My God

L.O.S.T Season08 Episode1227

2008-12-27T16:04:00.004+11:00

Previously on L.O.S.T...

Twenty-five days ago Andrew McVittie and Nathan Li were lost in Kings Cross after a geography field trip to the Centennial Park and the Australian Museum. It was a culture encounter for them in which they experienced belonging and not belonging to a place. Correctly saying they were not lost. They were in the middle of Macleay Road which explains Nathan's question on the shops' sign with the same 'Macleay' word. Yet it was a road which seemed to go on forever and led to nowhere, in the limited time they had they gave up the quest of finding a new way out and caught a bus back to Hyde Park. The bus drove through Elizabeth Bay which reminded Nathan of Macau as he found out later. In fact that is what L.O.S.T is all about — adventures of finding a new exit in a place of nowhere without turning back. Without realisation they had done it once before after a visit to Ryde East Public School. Still without realisation another adventure awaits to take them to a land of no man...

The sky reflects a faintest blue and is burdened with massive white clouds. It is so hot. Nathan complains. There will be a thunderstorm this afternoon. Andrew replies, as they are walking to Epping Station on the way to Macquarie Shopping Centre. The time of them in the shopping centre is to be ignored, which is the purpose of the day but the one of the adventure. On their way back Andrew suggests to walk back to Epping and Nathan agrees. The sky seems to have lowered and gives more pressure to the land. The two walk along the Epping Road. As they near Terrys Creek they notice a secret little path on the side. The adventurers' curiousity comes up immediately and leads them into the path, in a sci-fictional sense, which opens only for them and closes right after they walk in.

At a divergence not far from the entrance Andrew decides to take a piss and Nathan decides to go for the path on the right after. And that's it. They start walking through the bush with creepy figures hopping in the shade of trees and dangerous flying objects buzzing past their face. The path runs adjacent to the Terrys Creek. The canopies give them a slight coolness away from the pre-storm atmosphere. And they keep walking, walking, and walking. Again, like last time in Kings Cross, it is a one-way path, which with no divergence leads to forwards only. Yet the path goes on and on forever.

After who knows how long but sure a lengthy and twisty walk, they come to another divergence. There is a sign which points to the left saying Browns Waterhole and another arrow pointing to where they come from as Eastwood Station. They follow the path to Browns Waterhole and enter a different biome. Compared to before this area is more arid with no canopies. They feel pressured by the leaded air and a highway, or a bridge, clearly seen running high above. Nathan slips and his anus feels like splitting, which even worsens the pain from the sting on his leg a few minutes ago.

The two can do nothing but keep walking. A sign says Lane Cove National Park and Browns Waterhole 1km. They can see houses in the front thinking exit to civilisation yet the path turns to another direction immediatly. And after another who knows how long they finally come to an exit!

The light!

They wish. Not so lucky yet. In front of them is a wider concrete path with on their left going downhill and right uphill. There is a sign behind them indicating to path they come from: Eastwood Station 4km. Anyways they have not come from Eastwood Station but Epping which is approximately 1 to 1.5km to Eastwood Station. And, they are still in the bush in the middle of nowhere. There is no other sign at all. Instinct tells Nathan to go uphill, to a closer exit. Walking, walking uphill, walking uphill in heat, walking uphill in heat with tiredness, walking uphill in heat with tiredness with no water! And... and... and finally they see a gate! An exit! A real exit! High Fives!

Out there is a highway. Possibly the same they saw previously. They go through a tunnel underneath the highway across the road. They realise there is no bus here at all that could take them back. Keep walking for another few metres and they find themselves in the road between Macquarie University and Epping Boys High School. They are back to where they have walked past. They have walked through a big loop!

Last time at Kings Cross was a culture and civilisation experience. What is this? Opposite to that of Kings Cross, opposite to civilisation, intimacy with nature, realisation of belonging to natural environment, I love nature????? Possibly... The most important realisation is they, we, will definitely do that again, to walk in that path again, to walk to other divergences! The other end of the concrete path, going downhill, goes to South Turramurra, Pennant Hills and Wahroonga. That means, if Nathan's instinct didn't make the right decision, they would have ended up being walking lost in the wild by now—that Nathan wouldn't have been sitting in front of his computer right now using such a blah blah blah narrative voice telling this brand new episode of L.O.S.T.

The two who tend to get lost every time they go out walk back to Macquarie University. Nathan buys a drink while Andrew would like to challenge his extreme endurance of not sleeping, not eating, not drinking and not resting. Wish him luck for that! And they catch a bus back to Epping Station. What is going to happen next time? Will they get lost again? Where will they end up to? All is unknown except that they know they will walk the path and the bush again! With more people, more drinks and food, on a much cooler day...

See you next time on L.O.S.T.

Ecosystems

2008-12-24T20:06:00.003+11:00

Very very interesting.
My fancies about Heroes, Spiderman and Fantastic Four have increased my interest in science
The characters, or superheroes in all those above are common in posessing some altered genes which give them super powers or abilities
And the characters, or the stories themselves, have got something to do with science research:
the biotech company Pinehearst in Heroes
Peter Parker studies science like chemistry and physics
Reed is a science nerd knowing
Sue is a biotechnologist
Very very interesting
How I wish i could possess some sort of superpowers as well
Hmmm I'd like to have something like
Superstrength
Teleport
Supersight
Infinite memory
Punching power along with fire, ice, thunder, wind
Control of water
ecetera ecetera (...... and 1000 more eceteras)
Guess I look more like a pokemon here
Ummm I will just be Peter Petrolli absorbing all powers

At the same time I am still living in reality everyone
I am still working towards my ambitions in society, culture, art, business and the greater world
(oops it makes it sound like science is not reality)
I am now doing some revision work for geograhy
Some bookwork which was supposed to be done at the beginning of Term 4
Which is what I am really talking about today
Yet the lengthy introduction about super power is not unnecessary
since my brain has somehow associated the geography work with those science in the superheroes stories
Forgive me if I do not go anywhere near the association at all in the following as I haven't figured out what it is in words yet

Umm I am not remembering very well what I was going to say
something about ecosystem
since we were doing this Ecosystem at Risk topic
I guess I learned the basis of ecosystems is about the completion of food chain and food web
in which energy is passed on from sun, to producers, to consumers, to decomposers which pass it back to the earth and producers
It is all about circles
Circles of energy
Circles of nutrient
Circles of
Life

Everything has its place and value for only a certain period of time
After this period of time
this 'thing'
let's call it value
needs to pass onto next stage
then an end
which will come to a start again
It is a completion of a circle
Remember that in Harry Potter
The password is the answer to what has no start and end
A circle
If everything in this world is all running in circles
namely ecosystems
there will be no 'start' and 'end'
and going on forever
Yet with human interference
things never work as wished
Humans
because of their
no, our
wants
tend to put things in a straight line
wanting to keep things as WE want
as WE wish
to OUR favour
Can we let go?
No I can't
not my life
not to end my life for something else to start
No humans can
that's what the problem is

Is that what my association is about?
Circles
Sorry I am not able to name it now
It is a subtle thing my brain works on
To finish this off
I'd like to put in a quote I found in our geography text book
Very very interesting

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money
Indian proverb

I don't know when this proverb came existing
But my idea is that
'proverb' should be pretty old
historical even
If that's the case
Indians are pretty foreseeing
since universal awareness of environmental conservation is not an old thing

Extraneous

2008-12-21T23:40:00.004+11:00

Obviously this is a girl

Her name is Mckey Sullivan by the way

but I am thinking about me having this hair

it looks unisex anyways

actually it looks quite boyish

but when my hair grows long

it goes so flat and uncontrollable

dot dot dot

but I will tryyyy

I will try

December 2, 2008 – An Untitled Day through City Part IV Final

2008-12-11T18:41:00.002+11:00

It is when you experience one extreme you find out how the other extreme is more suitable. It is when you feel that you don’t belong to a place you realize how you really belong to the right place of yours in the world. Alas, to find the right you need to experience the wrong. Let’s all do something WRONG!

The feeling of familiarity remained
Even as we crossed the road to the other side
I can’t believe I did not take any photos of the place of such significance
We walked past the Coca-Cola billboards
Which somehow are the symbols of the city’s modernity and the dictating influence on materialism by, generally, capitalists
There are two giant billboards one is the classic logo of the red base and white ribbon-like writing of Coca-Cola
The other one, with a green tone, is of a great freshness with several empty, or looking empty, coke bottles
As we kept walking the road diverged into another two directions
It reminded me another dream I had
In which I thought I was in New York walking in a street with crowded little buildings
Or perhaps it was only a reflection of another place in Guangzhou

Here we were I guessed that was Kings Cross
It was like suddenly the mentality of the place came over on me
That I was not even able to observe details around me as I always do
Bludgers
Adult shops
Travel agency people handing leaflets
Were all I can remember
And a name something like ‘Macleay’ or something else appearing on a series of shops’ signs
I guess the two of us little high school lads would have been looking so intimidated to other people on the street
We kept on walking without any stopping at all forward
The road turned left and we followed
Andrew and I both agreed that it was such a good experience about cultural encounter and belonging and not belonging, i.e. good practice for English
It was till when Andrew received a call from his father we realized we needed to find our way back to Hyde Park
I would never like to walk all the same way back when exploring
I always believe I have a subtle navigator inside me which would lead me to find the way out without turning back
After walking past several dead end roads on the side and the road seemed to lead to nowhere
It appeared that we had no much time to experiment
And there is always a bus as I noticed a bus-stop on the opposite side
We waited for a few minutes and caught the bus back to Hyde Park
I was so afraid that the bus would go straight to Central
But the bus went through some narrow streets near the sea which reminded me of Macau so much

Andrew’s father was waiting for us at the square opposite to Australian Museum
And he showed us a swimming pool there
Yes a swimming pool!
Can you believe that?
A swimming pool underneath the city!
Forgive our lack of knowledge on the city if you do
I found the fact of the swimming pool being in the underground of the urban city so amazing
I so will hit the pool one day ~ HIT the pool!
While the public bus had been such a key throughout the day’s journey
We ended it with the little private car of Andrew’s father’s
In which I had a big nap on the way back to our suburban
Back to our non-urban life

While having written the journey of the day separately in parts
I don’t have much urge to myself to summarise and evaluate the whole day
Yet…
Beyond words let it be
The walking to Kings Cross was such a great experience once again
Shame we did not get to see what Kings Cross is famous for you know
It was like a piece of our own puzzle of building our knowledge on the city
The urban
I remember reading a saying from the students’ Architecture work catalogue from the University of Sydney
I will find it word for word for you

Architecture is like playing a never ending puzzle.

I am still looking for the missing puzzles!

Ho, See Ming

The End of the story

December 2, 2008 – An Untitled Day through City Part III

2008-12-10T21:25:00.001+11:00

Déjà vu. What can I say about déjà vu? Is it something you have seen in your dreams previously and you are now seeing in front of you? Or is it something or feeling you have experienced physically which is happening now? Or can we simply say déjà vu is the re-experience of similarity? Or is it that sometimes déjà vu is not déjà vu but your grasp of the image in your mind you don’t let go.

I guess I have said all the same things in those lines above
Maybe I shouldn’t be trying to be smart
As I have written these lines a few days ago let me put myself back there
Following what happened in Part II
Alright yes we finished our fieldtrip in Centennial Park very very soon
Shortest excursion ever
Still we had something else –
Sort of extension for the day
Again the ten plus one of us headed back to where we came in and waited for the bus
Again the bus arrived soon as if the giant had been smart planning the time…

And Part III officially starts here
Dipped in and took back our mighty school bus pass
We sat at the back of the bus
Is it that the new Volvo Sydney buses do not have any windows you can open while the worse is that the driver doesn’t turn the air conditioning on or well enough?
I realized that just because I was starting to smell poo-poo!
And I thought it was me who stepped on some shit in the park!
The reason was that the stink became stronger whenever I moved my feet!
At the same time I consoled myself that it could be the guy who was sitting in front of me
Anyways I kept minimum talking and avoided taking big breath
The bus drove in the shade of skyscrapers as we moved in the city again
The fresh air gave us a cool welcome when we got off the bus
We went through Hyde Park
I wonder if Hyde Park is like a copy of the Central Park in New York or I don’t know
I will find that out as I learn more in the area of architecture
We went through Hyde Park
Past the great gorgeous Sydney Grammar
To the greater and more gorgeous next door Australian Museum
Not a big fan of the ‘treasures’ of the world
As we came to see collections of insects…
I am trying to remember what we saw
As we saw collections of insects, amphibians…
I will call them Australian animals alright
Then minerals and dinosaur skeletons
And that was it
I got the impression from our teacher that the museum would be much bigger yet it was not
What’s good is that I came up with an idea that I want to own a museum with all my collections for people to look over
Not these animals and whatever obviously

It was still early when we finished, well, the whole excursion
Providing I didn’t want to go home and Andrew Mcvittie had to wait for his father
We decided to go somewhere do some exploration
Yet before we did that the four of us David Moore, Daniel Carrigy, Andrew and me, went in the Coffee Club have a little playing of private school kids having coffee reading newspaper
Note that I didn’t get any coffee or anything

Well I guess I’m not writing very well today having been exhausted from today
Very literally indeed
Oh I love Las Vegas the TV show which is on on Channel 7 right now
And I wonder why Lady GaGa singing da da da da da da da da da da da da Pokerface would appear on the ad for the new album of the Pussy Cat Dolls
However I will end this part of the story back with what I intended to –

Finishing the private business in the Coffee Club we, Andrew and me, headed back to the direction of Australian Museum
There were more people walking on the streets now as it was around 4pm at that time
We were heading towards Kings Cross
Yes you got it right Kings Cross
Since neither of us had been there before and it was so close
I had a feeling of stepping into a different realm on the way walking there
Yes we were about to explore a new realm which was completely foreign to us
As Andrew said he could saw the big Coca-Cola sign we started walking up a slope almost like walking up a bridge
On the right was an apartment building which I think looks so much like those of a bit middle to upper class in Guangzhou
And in front of me on top on the slope were several buildings with large signs with the main road diverged into two, or more, directions
All of a sudden
Some memory came up to me
The familiarity of walking up
The dream of walking up the bridge
The dream of being at a similar place
A slope to the high place with buildings on top of the hill…

People call this déjà vu
What can I say about déjà vu?
It would be definitely amazing if only, and only, have I seen the place in my dreams, and now I am being there
Yet déjà vu is not always déjà vu
As I recalled I did have been to places like this in Guangzhou
And the walking up a bridge
I am not sure if I have actually physically done that or just in my dreams
Blurry, blurry images
Which I might have never let go
Which must have meant something to me
Something I got to do with a place like this

To be continued

December 10, 2008 – Interlude: that summer

2008-12-10T17:38:00.001+11:00

It is a song sung along the road
A road that leads to the mission
Neglected behind though
The song reaches through air
What’s in a hurry and why not stop to wait?
It is through the humming, the smiles and the breeze comes the lost youth again
Nothing is more than an agreeing quietness
Spring goes and summer follows
What happened that summer, and that summer, and that summer, and all those past summers?
What is the feeling when the breeze blows on the face?
A trigger of memory yet a reminder of the mission
Pace resumes and hurries forward
The song is still sung accompanying the morning journey
It is through the humming, the smiles and the breeze comes the lost youth again
The lost and forgotten sensation of innocence
It is a song of summer
Of this summer

It is hard to write without the using of ‘you’ ‘I’ ‘me’ and other personal pronounces
And yes such a relief when I can finally use it as I come to a different form of expression
I drew myself away from the continuation of the journey of that day in city for the Extension 2 Mathematics assessment today
HSC and coming first in all assessments and exams is all my life now
Screwing up in any of the tests means the end of my life
It will be the end of my life
Since I am so determined and this is the last high school year for me to show my deserved ability which I did not show in the last two years
My only hope is
That I actually did well unexpectedly and the catching up next year will scale me up to my desired first
Somebody said a word before describing my obsession with coming first just for wanting to be first as ‘self-something’ I can’t remember
Anyways things would never happen in the way you want the harder and harder you push
The lecturer from The School For Excellence said everything in this world is about reverse psychology
I might need to take it easy a bit
So do you! Everyone who is being competitive in Year 12 Ryde Secondary College 2009!
Some famous person said holidays are for a person to look backward and forward
Which I agree with so so so much
Apparently I was not able to do that in the last holiday which results in my failure today
When was my last good sleep without any worries and disturbance?
I reckon I can only have that if I live alone or stay in a hotel
Truly a hotel is very nice and comfortable with large soft beds, pillows and air conditioning
Sigh and sigh again
It is not time to talk about any of these now
I should be back to the continuation of the story of that day as this is a building up for my ambition having had a break from everything

December 2, 2008 – An Untitled Day through City Part II

2008-12-06T23:17:00.002+11:00

Do you believe what you see? Do you believe what I say? Is what you see really what it is? Trust yourself, perhaps what you see is what it is. Yet many times it is covered by me. I am not lying though. I am just re-placing the facts and concealing the truth.

The bus came in a few minutes
Due to the fact that we are still some unproductive consumers and the fact that we have no extra money and the fact that we have a bus pass and the fact using the bus pass is free and the fact that we have to pay for our bus fare
Why pay?
Just dip hey!
It was an empty bus with no workers hurrying to offices and the bus headed off to the outskirt of, I might say, or just away from the CBD southeastwards

The bus drove through some narrow streets
Still in the gaps of skyscrapers
And past the model agency which America’s Next Top Model Season 8 had their models do their go-see in
I always remembered these kinds of stuff
Not that the premise or shop I remembered
But street view that gave me the familiarity from TV

Passing some sport fields rugby players, or whatever that sport player is, practicing, and Sydney Boys and Girls
And we arrived at the Centennial Park
Accompanied by the flies and their enthusiastic kisses
We had this sort of lesson about the development and management of the Park with this Mark guy
What has the building of the city brought to the local ecosystem?
I’m not trying to be critical about civilization and urbanization as many would do
At least I would prefer being civilised and living in a city rather than out in the wild with Nature
Yet we must manage to sustain the harmony between the urban and the environment
Well that’s what we are learning and what we need to achieve as a Geographer as we were called
I was amazed at learning how step by step the ponds work to filter the water from runoff
The four ponds in order eliminate rubbish, nutrient, bacteria and to the last cooling the water down
Then we did some fieldwork practice about biotic and abiotic factors
Our visit at the Park was not long and kind of rigid in terms of sitting down on the grass on a slope and flirting with flies
But lucky it was not very hot with some cool breeze
Well have a feeling I’m missing something about the Park but can’t think of anything else interesting
Anyways when I do my report on this fieldtrip I might be able to upload some more things about it
And the giant was very anticipated about where we were going next…

Walking by myself makes me thinking about a lot
Thousands of thoughts and ideas came in my mind today
Which include, that
I’m very worried about my business assessment
I guess I forgot to put in some point
Ahh~ I can’t afford to stuff up for even once!

To be continued

December 2, 2008 – An Untitled Day through City Part I

2008-12-05T22:37:00.002+11:00

A journal is a record of things which spontaneously come across. It is personal to the writer. It doesn't even have to be in a mutual language that everyone understands - As long as the writer expresses and signposts him- or herself through time.

Aftermath of an unnecessary hell of worry, my subconscious fell me deep asleep to protect my secret from everyone.
Could I have used what happened three days ago if I was confronted with questioning which didn't happen or just yet?

I have decided to blog my journal in English,
since it's about my personal experiences and ideas, instead of being convenient for any whom to read.

Three days ago, December 2, 2008, was a ... I don't know, can't think of a word that covers all we had on the day.
But simply, I would say, memorable?
It was the second day since I started writing my journal
and I could have blogged this back then.
But you know I was being too busy and tired these three days
only now could I sit down and organise my memory providing that I have finished most of my assessments except Extension 2 Maths and Geography due next term

Excitedly as the Geography class of ten plus one of us caught a bus towards the city
Even the bus is of another atmosphere
-on the bus were white collar working in the city, private school kids, all of who were well dressed in suits as well as some of those who I think were college students and dress casually yet filled with a sense of modern style
-all of which, intangible, are something a suburban bus full of Asian spoiled so-called selective kids who can’t do nothing would never have.

The bus drove through the Anzac Bridge above a sea of water of Parramatta River and a sea of heated cars exposing in the sun all the time. And the bus closed in the city and was surrounded by sky-high walls of buildings and hotfooted city walkers hopping to work.

We got off the bus in the middle of the city namely Town Hall. We were told that we needed to hurry up to the next next street to catch the bus coming in a few minutes, of course, by this giant whom we call Teacher. Stormed off as he did, we had to run up to catch this giant’s walking who has a pair of legs as long as our whole body. (That was an exaggeration.) By the way one of the shops we went past by, can’t remember which though, was on Make Me A Super Model where the models were doing a task of modeling still in a window in front of the street.

We started running, along the street, then across the road. It was such a good city experience as I thought and was about to take out my camera to take some photos. Anyways it was not a right time to do so then. A little more running like grasping for life, and here we were at the bus-stop behind the shadow of Myer or David Jones waiting for our shuttle to our first destination…

Knowing it was a long day and I decided to record it all, I divided this day’s journal into parts. And that was Part I.

To be continued.

December 1, 2008 – Summer starts-when everything is at a new beginning

2008-12-05T21:51:00.001+11:00

(Mind ya this is a translation from my original archive in Chinese after I decided to blog in English when I did my second archive. Here we go!)

First day in the summer of 2008 in the Southern Hemisphere
I decided that I got to really do something for my architecture possession
It could be said that it was an amazing or unexpected day today
What on earth inspired me to start blogging over again?
Or perhaps I’ m doing this for my prospect in architecture more than anything else
On the bus to school this morning I was reading a catalogue student works from the faculty of architecture of the University of Sydney
There I found that what people do in architecture is mostly art and drawing based
Some of the displaying works are even just some pure art work
Alright! I gotta do this!
Instead of engineering
Engineering is more like for maths people
(though some people see me as a maths nerdy person, I’ m more into arts ok?)
Then I saw a name on the catalogue which I’m pretty sure that she was one of the contestants for that Miss Chinese in Sydney or whatever the name of the competition is
Hmm what happened in school can be neglected for now except somehow I discovered a new self
Home after school
Miss Cindy Wu asked me to look at this person’s blog, Mr. Z.W Leung, who I have nothing to do with at all
I’ m not describing what is on the blog here
Yet my thought after reading is that I’m not funny I’m not outgoing I’m not cool I’m not your boy!
Then as I went showering and was taking off my clothes
I was thinking
I should, as I used to, belong to the world of visual image and media
And out of nowhere came another thought as I was about to start showering
I should be writing something!
I should be recording something!
Something I like
Something related to architecture
Cities and urban places!
Here it came ‘My Urban Journal’ that I’m going record on
Therefore I’m starting my own project
Is it true that you would live more energetically and productively when you have an actual aim to go for?
My only hope is that I wouldn’t fail trying like before anymore
It is a suitable day to start doing something today though
And this project will be own Major Work of Architecture, Visual Art, Photography, Media and~
Extension 2 English!
Since I want to some kind of major work so much but I’ m not doing art and can’t do 4 unit English at all
It would be a great practical work for me to put n my portfolio
I reckon Blog is a good media to put works on
Which is inspired by Mr. T.L (lol!)
Whose Extension 2 Major work is a series of blog entries
Not a big fan of Internet and blogs stuff
Yet I think blogs are good in terms of recording at any time
Which is kinda troublesome due to the fact you need to upload it
And you can have people from all over everywhere to read and share your ideas and, your vain hopes
Hmm! And Hmm! One more Hmmm! (keep nodding!)
This journal will be my record of my ideas, opinions, prospects etc etc on arctitecture, media and modern society
Lastly Hmm again!
Here we come! My Urban Journal!
That was my first entry

By the way I will be going to the Centennial Park in the city for Geography fieldwork
I hope there will be an actual record for the journal tomorrow
But usually I'm too lazy to upload the photos

In fact this thing could be seen as written as a tribute for SOMEONE
Not telling who yet

(Looking back the last blog entry I had was on the day I turned 18
After which I couldn’t bother to blog anymore until now)